Are you okay?

07:44AM

Loyalty could be a beautiful thing when reciprocated in equal respects, and I think that's the most beautiful part about what happened between Romeo and Juliet:

They both chose to stay with each other, even though the easier option would have been to leave.

Their families detested each other, they ended up miles apart when Romeo was banished to another city, and Juliet even faked her own death; but throughout it all, they were always thinking of ways to stay with each other – even if that meant through taking their own lives.

Although romanticizing suicide hadn't been the right way to show that, I suppose Shakespeare might have been alluding to his belief that when you love someone, you would do anything to stay with them, no matter how extreme the lengths it took or the casualties it might leave behind.

Arguably, their love for one another could be described as toxic, a hopeless devotion that refused to falter even in the midst of oppression; like my own mum and dad, they didn't know that sometimes, two people were better off alone when staying together was only causing them more hurt. Sometimes, love wasn't a good enough reason to stay.

Or, you could say that Romeo and Juliet both found someone who fully accepted the other as they were, and they didn't want to let go of that. Perhaps that's why the phrase, 'if you love someone, you let them go', is so relevant in their situation, because they were incapable of letting go of the other person, persistent in their desire to stay together despite the pain it caused them and those around them.

It was then, as I strolled down the sunlit city with the clear blue sky above me and the sun's rays ricocheting off glass panels on the buildings surrounding me, that the epiphany finally clicked and I understood why Romeo had to leave.

Staying with me would only have brought more pain, and love wasn't supposed to be pain. Yes, love could be painful, as I was currently learning the hard way, but I didn't think love should ever be pain. By leaving, Romeo was sparing me the pain of the long process that would have resulted in numerous repercussions for the both of us.

But still, part of me wished he had stayed.

And I knew my thoughts were being a broken record, but I missed him. A lot.

I may not be willing to admit to being in love, but I could admit to falling the same way my namesake did. The irony had passed me, over how I had become the very girl I once detested, falling for a boy three years older called Romeo, developing a connection under the cover of the dark night sky despite knowing that it wouldn't work from the start.

But unlike my namesake, I wouldn't give up everything I was for a boy. I wouldn't drown in my sorrows and mourn the loss of something that never truly had the chance to blossom: I would try to be okay, and so would Romeo.

My heart was still hurting, aching even, with each passing thought about how he wasn't with me, but I wouldn't let that consume me. I wouldn't lose myself in the pain like I'd done so many times before. With or without Romeo, I was Cassie Juliet Henderson, trying to discover who I was and starting the long process of healing in the hopes that one day I might finally be okay.

With a defeated spring to my steps, I manoeuvred my way through the passing pedestrians and headed back in the direction of the train station, using my phone to track my location so I could see whereabouts in London I was, and which train I should take to lead me back to my house. The thought of potentially leaving Romeo wandering around London made me pause in my deliberation, but I shook off the worry, trying to assure myself that he would have made his way back home safely by now.

Finding a simple route which wouldn't require me to change trains, I checked the time, figuring out I only had a few minutes to reach the station and correct platform before the train would arrive, causing me to speed up in my brisk walk to the station which I was already approaching. The next train after it was nearly an hour wait, and being stranded alone in the city after the night I'd just had was something I'd prefer to avoid if I could.