I.L.Y. - A MewGulf AU

Intermission: Mew

He was still spending day in day out with his husband, who actually wasn't the right Gulf. He couldn't avoid thinking about the younger ever if he wanted to. Whenever he noticed a difference between the two Gulfs, many more similarities popped up. Things he had known about the younger and taken for granted, but now that he was gone and replaced by someone else, he was glad to see them resurface. The voice in the back of his mind started pointing out all those small things, filling Mew with a sense of nostalgia and longing. Be it Gulf's hard working attitude he so loves, or the protruding belly he wasn't sure about anymore, all those things were suddenly pointed out and filled Mew's heart with longing. Every good or bad thing suddenly seemed the most fascinating facts about his husbands, repeated by that small voice over and over.

It took Mew a while to realize that voice was himself, who was missing his husband. His feeling of longing had been so strong, it banned any thoughts of fake love. It was a shocking discovery, but Mew thought it was better than the alternative.

That was also the moment the new Gulf started to ask about his Gulf. About his marriage and whatever thoughts haunted Mew enough to put an end to it. At first, he tried to avoid his questions, responding in a mean way on purpose so the other would stop asking, but it didn't work. Instead, this Gulf replied even in a more mean and harsh way, until eventually Mew could not stand it anymore.

He had made use of this Gulf to satisfy all his nostalgic memories and needs. Now that he was without, he felt empty. So, he decided to open his heart the other, only so that he could feel whole again. But once the feelings were shared and in the open, his heart didn't become better. No, he started to actually realize how much he misses his Gulf. He started to realize how much he actually liked being with his Gulf.

While he still had his insecurities about his Gulf's feelings, the wedding anniversary gift and this Gulf easily swept them away. And then, that one confrontation which broke all his earlier reservations came.

And you believed him? You believed the man who hurt you like that? Yet you won't believe your husband when he says he loves you and you love him?

To simply say that Mew felt guilty hearing those words, could never be enough. His heart actually felt like ice at that moment and a brick had formed in his stomach.

He once vowed to learn whatever he could from his mistakes and move on with that newly acquired knowledge. That should also mean that earlier acquired knowledge, could be changed. In the future, he would never believe his love to be fake again. For he was the one who knew his heart the best, maybe only with the exception of his husband.

His husband, who he missed so badly. Who might never return.

Following the feelings in his heart, he set up a plan on how to move on along with this Gulf. He knew they could never be whatever this Gulf wanted him to be -- he loved his husband too much for that --, but he didn't want to hurt the other any longer. He had done some really bad things to the younger, made many mistakes, so he had to fix them and learn from them. He set up his feelings completely open for the younger, who accepted them even if they were not as he wanted. They grew together in a close friendship, and it was comfortable. But they could never be anything more than that, his heart wouldn't allow it.

Mew cared for the other, tried to protect him at all time, and spoil him whenever he could. It was a nice relationship. He couldn't ask for more.

Although, he really wanted his Gulf to return. Desperately so.

The night after their football date, Mew was still lying awake staring at the ceiling as this Gulf was softly snoring next to him. Mew's insomnia wasn't due to the noisy person he was sharing the bed with. No, it wasn't the invasive kind of snore, more the kind that made you silently aww in how cute it was. Even though the elder's body was tired and sore from all the running around, and the shower he had taken just before bed had somehow relaxed them, his mind was still going a hundred miles an hour. So much had happened these past two months. It was amazing how much he had changed in that small time.