Fix A Heart

Chapter Five

Chapter 5

"Shh, it's okay, I'm right here and I'll never leave you," he carressed my cheek that was damp  from my tears. I just cried even more into his chest, breathing heavily. "Look at me," he demanded.

I looked up, trying to hold back the next round of cries. 

"I'm right here for you, breathe. It's okay," he tried to convince me. 

"It's not okay, don't you understand Louis? Nothing's okay!" I squirmed out of his embrace and knelt on the ground which was soaked too,as if the whole sky were crying with me.

 "Nothing's okay..." I whispered to the  grave  that had 'Zayn Malik' carefully engraved on it. 

~

I woke up with an instant, with my face saturated from a mix of tears and sweat. My breathing was heavy, and my tears were still falling. 

I pulled out my phone, ripping the charger out from it. Going to my contacts list I found his name, and immediatly pressed call. It kept ringing, and ringing, and ringing. Why wasn't he answering? It was just a dream, but my stomach continued whirling causing me to want to cry even harder. The ringing stopped- 

"Hello?" I smiled right away, but still shooken up by my dream, or should I say nightmare.

"Hey, are you crying?" I could'nt even respond, I still couldn't recover from what seemed so real, too real. 

"I-I'm fine, "I stuttered between cries, "I just needed to hear your voice," Now that I said it out loud, I probaby sounded like such an idiot. 

"How about we meet up later? The bench where we were at Friday after school?" he suggested. Realizing that I couldn't really answer easily, he talked again, "I'll meet you there at 4," and with that he hung up. 

Wait, 4? What time was it? I looked over to my clock, seeing that it was 2:49... In the afternoon. How long was I asleep? I mean it was a Saturday but I mean, that late? I think that's a record.

My breathing slowed down steadily, and my tears dried soon after. 

~

"Hey," he smiled sweetly as I walked with my hands in my jeans pockets. 

"Hi," I smiled, I would never get tired of hearing his voice. I sat next to him on the bench, as we both sat with our legs crossed, or 'criss cross applesauce' way, facing each other. We both just smiled for a couple minutes.

"What happened this morning?" he asked sincerely. 

"Oh...bad dream," I smiled sheepishly, "it's silly, I know," 

He smiled in, relief? It looked like relief. "What happened in your bad dream?" 

I bit my bottom lip, not really wanting to tell him what happened... And how Lou held me, or how I pushed him away to cry at his grave. What'd that even mean to me? Did I even know? All that I knew, or what I was becoming slowly aware of, I was more interested in Zayn than Louis. 

"You don't have to tell me," he finally said, relieving me. "So, do you want to go somewhere?" 

I smiled, I still couldn't believe that the boy who wouldn't even respond to me was hanging out with me, in his free time. I nodded, "Sure, where-" I was interupted by my cellphone ringing, playing my favorite song, Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. "One sec," I said, pressing the green button on my phone.

"Hey babe, do you want to get together today? My place?" Louis spoke through the phone.

I sighed, it brought me back to my thoughts... I shouldn't be doing this to him, he should know the truth, and what's really going through my head. He has the right to know, even if it would hurt him. This isn't cheating, right? No, I'm just spending time with my friend-who just happens to be a guy. What was I going to tell Lou though? 'no, sorry i'm with another guy right now,'? Yeah, that's funny. "I'm busy, sorry," I said, trying my hardest to sound sincere. I was sorry, just not for the same reason he thought I was.

"Oh... All right, I'll call you later tonight?" he asked, trying to hide the disappointment in his voice. "Yeah," I replied, as he ended the call. 

~

"Zayn, can I ask you something?" I looked up to him as we walked around a very small park, with broken lights and nobody else around. The slide had chipped paint, blue mixing in with the multch beneath it. Wind was slightly blowing, causing the rusted chains of the swings to push itself. 

He hesitated, "Mhm," 

"Why won't you open up to anyone?" 

He hesitated for a longer time, not sure if he wanted to answer or not, "Because you can't trust people..." 

"Why not?" I asked, not trying to be pushy but trying to coax him into realizing that he really could trust me. 

"Because nothing lasts forever," he said slowly, as the cold air changed his warm breath into a white fog each time he exhaled.

"Some things do, depending if you try,"

"Nothing does, something or some one always gives up and then it's over... There's no point in raising your hopes just to get crushed again," he cracked finally, explaining his worst fear.

"You can't let your fears take over your life, you know," I said, and it was true. "Do you like hockey?" I asked him. 

He looked at me with a questioning look, "I guess, yeah," 

"Well, take it like this. If you never try and take a shot, then you may never get the goal," I said, trying to relate what I meant to something he'd know. 

He sighed, "It's just..." he paused, not able to find the word. Then at the same time, we both found a perfect word, "complicated."