Salvation 2035

Chapter 33- Restart

     Although all sex workers are pretty much at the lowest social standing imaginable, women that look like women probably have the best chance out of all of us to be taken seriously if they report violence. Generally, no matter what walk of life you come from, people want to protect women. Again, there is a general disdain for sex workers, but out of all of us, pretty women have the best deal. Then there are the 'undesirable' women. Maybe they have a drug addiction or are just considered less attractive, or willingly conduct sex work. These kinds of people generally get very little sympathy from the general population, because, on some level, people believe they 'deserve' any violence that is levied against them. Also, people being trafficked generally get sympathy because, y'know, that's how it should be. Luckily, everyone tends to agree on that. But what about me? Well, to put it simply, nobody cared (except for Lindy, of course).

      In my unique position of being a guy who looks like a girl, even without being a sex worker, I'd be in the bottom rungs of society. There's a certain undesirability that comes along with being or looking feminine, or possessing traits typically associated with femininity. It's not that difficult to come across— just look at the way the reaction to different people's appearances is treated. My sister, Naomi, had short hair and wore baggy clothes which, even though I personally don't think clothes should have gender, was more of a masculine appearance. As far as I know, she never got into any trouble because of it. Also, there are tons of women on TV wearing suits. Even though a woman can be masculine no problem, a man can't be feminine without getting shit for it. I mean, I have a library worth of stories as to how that shows up in the world. I guess what I'm trying to say is because typical 'masculine' traits are ideal, for a man to want to be 'feminine' there must be something wrong with him. What's so 'wrong' about it? I personally don't see a problem. So what if I wear makeup or jewelry or keep my hair long— it's nobody's business but my own. Compared to how I dressed in the past, I guess I look more 'masculine', which is probably why people treat me more with aversion than perversion.

     But what about the violence against me? Earlier I said that generally, people want to protect girls, especially those that are trafficked, and most people read me, socially speaking, as a girl. Based on this, I should be in the category of a 'person people want to protect', right? Wrong. In their eyes, the violence against me was justified because I was 'pretending' to be someone I wasn't, therefore making their actions somewhat 'moral', as they were correcting a perceived wrong. Sure, I made the decision to willingly endanger myself by being on the streets rather than the brothel, but surely that doesn't justify what that woman, and so many others, did to me. My heart goes out to the people that were born with the expectations of one gender identity but are more compelled to be viewed as another. For me, I was more or less just wearing a costume, and people expected me to be a guy under all of it. But for regular people who simply want to conform as something different, it must be incredibly dangerous to navigate this world we live in.

     Anyways, I was telling a story, wasn't I? So after that altercation, I bumped into my friend, who excitedly ran up to me saying that he got a new video game and wanted to play it with me at his house. I accepted his offer since I just wanted to be out of the public after what happened to me. It went fine for a bit and we were having a lot of fun, but the thing is, I just didn't feel right. He picked up on it too and asked me what was the matter. I said that I got hurt pretty bad and just left it at that, as he had no idea what I was doing. I showed him the burn marks, to which he promptly tried his best to help me. I then asked him if he could just hug me for a bit. He thought it was because of the pain, but for me, it was because of how crushed I felt. I just wanted to have someone who cared about me comfort me. Unfortunately, at that moment, his parents came home. Admittedly, it was a bit of an odd sight. I was wearing a sleeveless crop top with a short skirt and thigh-high socks, so it was definitely a jarring image. It was so jarring that his mother ripped me out of my friend's arms, only to realize that I was actually a guy, and then the father stepped in. My friend was taken into another room by his mother, and I was being yelled at by his dad. He then yelled at me for a good long while, as I just sorta layed on the ground in a crumpled mess. I eventually yelled back, but it's not like he cared about what I had to say. And then I left. I refused to tell him my name at the time, but I kind of wish I did, since I can't quite remember his. Some things aren't meant to be, I guess.