Blair Silver

Part 27: The End

He shows up at my house one day, pretty early in the morning and asks if I'm free for a date (of course I am, I always am unless I have plans with Jillian or my family plans something). He takes me out to breakfast, which I was expecting. And then we go to Chapters, because he knows I love books and it's one of my favourite places. And then he takes me out for lunch, and then we go to a movie. It's around that point that I start to realize that this might be it. He's treating me to the best date ever (all our dates are the best date ever, really, but still), and it's not my birthday or his or any other special day. So it must be the end.

I push the thought away and focus on enjoying my time with him.

He's watching me for most of the movie, smiling at my reactions to everything. He was doing it in Chapters too: watching me and smiling and not reading anything except the funny lines that I told him to read. It's not particularly new, him watching me while I wander around in Chapters, but there was something distinctly tender about it. Still is, even in the dark of the movie theatre.

I snuggle closer to him and bury my face in the crook of his neck. He brings one hand up to stroke the back of my neck, drawing little patterns over my skin so, so lightly.

He takes me out for dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant, which makes me feel a little bad as usual because I know he's probably spending a good amount of money on me. I don't mention it, though, just make a light joke about how neither of us are dressed for this (we really aren't. We're both in t-shirts and jeans, but neither of us care). He has a reservation, which doesn't actually surprise me very much (this whole day has had an air of being planned), and means that we get in very quickly. Of course, it's pretty busy, so it takes a while for our meals to arrive after we've ordered, but I don't mind. We don't talk much, but it doesn't feel uncomfortable. Just a bit... heavy. Our meals come, and I'm not sure he actually tastes his food, he's so busy watching me from across the table with eyes that are slightly wider than usual and a little sad.

We go for a nighttime walk around the park because I love the park at night, and then he takes me home on his motorcycle. It's later than he usually brings me back, by a few hours. I get off the bike and hand him my helmet. He walks me up to my front door, and I open it but don't go inside yet.

"Theo," he starts, in practically a whisper. I meet his eyes, and he's looking at me like this is the last time he'll see me.

"I know," I tell him, quietly. "Come upstairs with me."

He looks a little confused, but he follows me inside and up to my room. I don't bother changing or brushing my teeth, I just go and lie down on my bed, on top of the covers, and pat the space beside me. He sits, looking hesitant. I look up at him.

"I know this is it. The end. You're leaving, like you said you would."

He nods a little, looking melancholy. I pat the space beside me again, and he lies down next to me. I shuffle closer to him, and he puts an arm around me, drawing patterns over my hip.

"You don't seem happy," I say quietly.

It takes him a moment to respond with, "I'm not."

"Then why are you leaving?"

He hesitates, then turns his head so he can kiss my forehead. "You're too smart for your own good," he mumbles, and I smile a little, before turning onto my side so I can see his face.

"Can I have a goodbye kiss?"

He seems to have been avoiding kissing me too much today, which I suppose makes sense since he's leaving. But it doesn't seem like he wants to leave, so maybe he's been not kissing me because he's trying to spare my emotions, or because he thinks he shouldn't, not because he doesn't want to.

He responds by tilting his head down and brushing his lips over mine. He stops there, like he's not sure if he's allowed to continue or if he's supposed to pull away now, so I make the decision for him by pressing closer. That's all the encouragement he needs to tighten his arm around my waist and kiss me more firmly, capturing my lips in his over and over. I wrap my arms around his neck and hold him close, kissing him back insistently.

It turns out I was right, about him not wanting to leave, still wanting to kiss me.

Because he stays and kisses me for hours. Nearly the entire night. And I swear that he was pouring out his heart for me with his lips, because I've never felt so loved in my entire life.

It's almost four or five in the morning when we finally come up for air. And then I know. It's over.

I don't bother trying to convince him to stay, ask him why he's leaving when it feels like he still wants me just as much as I want him. I don't think it'd make much of a difference, really, if I did.

He hesitates, lying there with me for a few more precious moments, before slowly getting up. He places a kiss on my forehead, one last time, before finally leaving. I can't even hear his footsteps outside of my door, and for a moment it's almost like I dreamt it all.

I'm not convinced that I didn't.

I don't get any sleep. I spend the next few hours until I have to get up reliving the feeling of his lips on mine, which isn't difficult because I'm pretty sure that the feeling is imprinted into my memory permanently.

School is a bit difficult, to say the least. I'm barely awake.

Jillian gives me concerned looks all throughout the morning. Then at lunch hour, she asks me why. I tell her Blair and I broke up, even though those words feel way too harsh for what happened. We didn't 'break up', he didn't 'dump me', we didn't 'split'- but there aren't any words for what actually happened. No words gentle and tender enough for the feeling he carried around all day.

Jillian is furious with him. I tell her it's fine, that I'm not mad or hurt or depressed, but she doesn't accept any of it. She tells me I'm too far in love with him to be mad at him, and therefore my reaction is not taken into account when she goes into high gear of protective best friend mode.

I try to explain to her that he didn't leave me because we had an argument or suddenly hated me or lost feelings, which of course prompts the question of then why did he leave, to which my only response is that he said he would, because I don't really know. I did ask him, but he didn't give me an actual answer. This, in turn, only pisses her off (at him) more, because she's in protective best friend mode and everything concerning Blair Silver is now disgusting and outrageous.

When I get home at the end of the day, I feel surprisingly okay. Not depressed, or angry, or even noticeably numb. Like maybe it hasn't fully set in yet. That he's gone. But at the same time, there's a tiny fragment of a deep ache in my chest. That deep kind of sadness, when someone makes you feel so loved and cared for and warm and happy and then they're gone, but you can't hate them because they didn't argue with you or yell insults at you or cheat on you or make you feel betrayed or cut in any way- you just feel that deep, hollow feeling of they're gone.

He's gone.

Sorry, this one was a bit short... and sad... it's not the last chapter though, despite the chapter name, so that counts for something, right?

What did you think of the date? Their goodbye? Theo's feelings afterwards? How upset with Blair are you, on a scale of one to ten (one being not, ten being very)?

If you enjoyed this chapter, despite the shortness and the sadness, please consider letting me know by voting! Thank you so much for reading!