Introvert

Alt 164

I thought men were an escape. A plan I could have to get away from my home. Something I could use to get away from my hard life, something I could use to get away from my mother. A man is not an escape. A man can be the road to ruins. Running into a mans arms can be running into your own death. There's thousands of shelters and programs out there with women who all have the same story and I could have been one of them just because I wanted an easy out. Men are no easy out. If it's easy with a man you don't know, run. Keep your connection to God always and make sure he approves of the people you have around you. To me he's a mad man. To me he is crazy and he's crazy about me. That's how I saw my first father. My first father was not my biological father. All three of these men that I called father were crazy. My biological one was the worst. He wasn't crazy about me. A mi me dijeron que era mi culpa que no me querían. I was told it was my fault my father didn't love me.

My mom's abusive boyfriend was my first father. God is no abusive man. He doesn't beat women. He would never lay his hand on a woman in front of a child. No man should get away with doing that. Not like he did. Not by putting his hand around her neck. Not with a crowd gathered 3 floors down. Not with screams y amenazas to throw her down. I was four when all of this happened. No one told me this was not ok. No one bothered to talk to me. I didn't have spirit. I wouldn't have my connection to God for a few years. Its hard to think of what to say.

Dios es mi padre ahora. El tiene mi custodia. He's taking care of me now y como les dije. El responde por mi. Mi father is crazy about me. El me prueba. El diría que yo le voy a dar candela. Fire. Fuego. The church restores women. Nos enseñan a jugar. They teach us how to play. I'm learning how to play por que las mujeres lo necesitamos. Men have issues. They're just a resume. A piece of paper you can look over. My Husband isn't perfect and we don't love each other but he came with a recommendation from God and it's not that he's a Christian. He just came with the recommendation. We have something. We just don't know what it is yet. Como dije, nos casamos después de conocernos dos semanas.

Familia no tuve pero como quiera los defiendo a todos y pido por ellos. Eso es de ser latino. Your family is like an extension of you, when they get disrespected you get disrespected. If you don't see it like that you're doing something wrong. La familia es la familia. Family is family. Those are my people. I still pick and choose but latinos are like a good big brother defending you from bullies. Eso es parte del trabajo de una familia.

Defender, cuidar. Take care of each other. Love those you can love. Some family members are hard to love.