Miraculous Ladybug: Get me out of here

Ice ice baby

"Hey, John? Can I ask you for some advice?"

I sighed, staring at Adrien as he wore a small smile. I was just minding my business, walking around the streets of Paris with my dog Piss, and of course an annoying booger named Adrien Agreste had to come up and bother me.

"I'm not great at giving advice, but fire," I grumbled.

"So..." Adrien looked away. "Well, it's about a girl..."

Of course, I groaned internally. There's always a girl.

"Well, uh, we see each other all the time because we study together," Adrien told me. "We've just been friends, you know. Until recently." He paused. "Now I'm starting to see her differently. Has the same thing ever happened to you?"

"Nope," I replied. "Romance isn't really my thing."

"I'm pretty sure Kim had a crush on you," Adrien raised a brow.

"That was unrequited on his end," I sighed. "Listen, Adrien, I'm not an expert on love. It just confuses me." I shrugged. "You're lucky, you know. You get a front row seat. A lot of people like you. You'll have a great love life. I'm just an idiot; I don't get any of it."

"I don't know," Adrien grinned. "You seem pretty smart to me."

That caught me off guard. Someone (other than my mom) thought I was... smart? Then again, Adrien was known for his compliments, I suppose.

"You've... got the wrong idea," I shook my head. "Just tell me about this girl you're into or whatever."

"Well... she's special," Adrien played with his fingers. "Very pretty. She's got dark silky hair, deep and mysterious eyes..." He blinked. "And I'm pretty sure you know her."

"... Ladybug?" I asked.

Adrien stammered, cheeks going red. "W-Well, I mean, yeah, she wasn't the girl I was talking about, but..." He shook his head. "The girl I meant is Kagami."

"You mean the fencing girl?" I asked. "The one that tried to kill you?"

"Yeah, her," Adrien rubbed the back of his head like an anime character. "We've, uh, moved past the whole killing thing."

"Right." I muttered. Piss stared up at me. Somehow, even he seemed befuddled. Or maybe he just wanted to continue the walk. You decide.

"So, uh, what do you think I should do about Kagami?" Adrien asked.

"Pfft, I dunno," I shrugged. "Take her out on a date, I guess?"

"A date?" Adrien went red again. "W-Where would I take her?"

"A place where couples normally go, I suppose," I answered. "The theatres, or something like that."

"I don't know if Kagami would like going to the theatre..." Adrien tilted his head. "Too informal for her. And besides, I can't imagine sitting in there with just the two of us. I'd be too shy."

"What about the ice rink?" I suggested. "There won't be too many people there so you can skate freely. You could get another friend to come with you."

"Maybe..." Adrien made a face. He looked at me. "Um, you..."

"I'm not a big fan of ice skating," I told him.

"Oh," Adrien looked down.

I made a face. "But my mom said I need to try ice skating at some point so I can be more 'active', so..."

"Oh, awesome!" Adrien grinned. "Maybe I'll invite another friend along. Marinette, perhaps?"

I sighed. Why not add fuel to the fire? "Sure. Why not."