Rebel Rebel |harry styles| - ongoing

THIRTY-ONE

The Beatles: Let It Be

Essie

If the way Harry has acted in the last couple of days is even remotely similar to the way I behave under pressure – I want to say a big thank you to my mates for sticking with me. He's been running around my house with two cell phones in hand, regularly picking one up when the other is ringing. He hasn't washed his hair in a week, if I want him to eat anything, I have to put the food in front of him and almost feed it to him. And all the crazy was due to trying to figure out a tour schedule. Jeff told us that some of the restrictions will be lifted soon, but that we'd have to come to terms with not being able to host every person that bought a ticket. We thought about doubling shows in every city, but it still wouldn't be enough.

"There is granola with yoghurt on the dining table, eat it please.", I found him in the corner of my spare bedroom, which was now his improvised office space.

"I'm not hungry, I have to get this press release to sound the way I want it to sound."

"Can I help? Maybe we could eat breakfast together and work on it?", I swear this was harder work than getting a child to eat veg.

"Fine. I want to say how sorry I am that we must postpone the tour further. I want them to know I did everything in my power to try and figure out a schedule that would work for everyone, but it just wasn't possible. I don't know how to convey such an upsetting message...", he shoved a spoon full of granola in his mouth and sunk deeper into his chair.

"You are the only person I know that knows how to say something extremely sad and make it sound uplifting, or something happy with a melancholic undertone. Tell me what you've got so far."

"I've jotted down the main points: that we have to protect one another and stay safe, because the danger is still here, and that we will go back to playing once the coast is clear."

"Okay, how about you give me a couple of minutes to figure something out?", he nodded and went back to eating breakfast. I couldn't let him down, not when he had so much on his mind.

I grabbed my phone and started typing: if you would've told me, a year ago, that something would happen that was impactful enough to put all our lives on hold – I would've told you that it wasn't possible. Yet here we are. We have done so much to help out – we've stayed home, we've donated to hospitals, we've worn masks, we've worked from home and our kids have been staring at computer screens instead of the faces of their teachers, we've cancelled all events that pose a threat to our safety, and we're still not out of the woods. We will dance together again, and the dance will be even sweeter after we've waited a little while longer.

Harry was reading my note and writing stuff down in his, which I took as a sign it helped. He stopped and stared at it for a while before he was ready to read it to me.

"How about this: there will be a time we dance again, but until then I think it's about protecting each other and doing everything we can to be safe. And then when it's ready and people want to, we shall play music. Let's be patient together. Is it okay or do I need to add more?"

"It's perfect. Especially the first sentence. We all know it, but it's good to hear somebody tell us that we will dance again. I'm aware this has been tremendously difficult for you, but just think of the most beautiful Autumn tour we'll have. Travelling around Europe, chasing the sun. Then we'll make it to the States just in time for the holidays, every city will be decorated with sparkling lights. We'll take a break to spend some time with the people we love, and then we'll head back out, knowing there's so much more waiting for us. That time will come, and I promise you we will dance in every city we visit.", he let out a sigh because the painful realisation, that he's still not able to climb up on stage, hit him. I wanted to take all his pain away, but I knew that I couldn't, so I just hugged him tighter.

"Sometimes I imagine... I imagine what life would've looked like if this hadn't happened. It's odd, because I can't quite see it, I always end up picturing masks and people keeping six feet away.", we were on the sofa, our legs a tangled mess, and Bono lay beside Harry, almost pushing him off.

"There's no use in thinking about what could've been since we cannot change this year. But imagine all the things that wouldn't have happened if this year had turned out any differently. You and I wouldn't be living together now, and we wouldn't be in love."

"We would be, just probably not happily in love.", Harry cut in.

"True. You wouldn't have all those wonderful homemade music videos we filmed in Los Angeles. You wouldn't have written half of the new record already. There are lots of things to be thankful for, still.", my intents were finally getting through to him and it was a bit surprising that I was the one spewing positive things while he was throwing for the negative.

"I guess you are right. I need to get out of this funk."

"I have an idea, that might be able to help. What if you start thinking of what you want out of these options I'm about to lay out.", he seemed confused, "Do you want to, a) move into this house as it is, b) move into this house but renovate it to our style as a couple or c) sell both our houses and find a new place that's just our own?".

"Are you serious?", his face lit up.

"I'm not pulling your leg, Harry. You practically live here as it is, and I'd like to make it more permanent."

"I would love that Essie! Why isn't there another option, of living in my house?", I almost snorted the water I'd just ingested.

"There is no chance of me living in that gigantic and cold house. No way. I love my house, but I would understand if you'd like us to have a place that is just our own.", Harry's hand found mine, and Bono's little pink nose tried to get in between.

"I love this house too, and from the first time I set foot in it – it felt like home. But I'd like to add some things, like a studio maybe, a musician's touch is needed.", his comment made me smile, because it was absolutely true. This house was a photographer's home, portraits of strangers and friends hung around the place, there were three gallery walls with my favourite pieces, and you could find a stray tripod in almost any corner.

"What changes would you make? Let's dream a little, come on."

"Hmm... let's see. I'd convert the last guestroom upstairs into a studio, we'd need to insulate the whole space and add soundproof panelling on the walls. I'd like to paint the stairs a deep brown and the railing white. New sofas are a must, no wiggle room there.", this certainly got his mind off the crappy thoughts.

"Okay, that's all very doable. Anything else?"

"I want to work on the garden, the grass isn't green enough and the shed is falling apart. I think there's a lot to be done, over time, to make that space our paradise. We've all learned during this year, that outdoor space is a luxury and that we must take care of it and cherish it.", a strong feeling came over me, one of those that made me want to hug him so tight that his bones would struggle to breathe, but at the same time, one that made me wonder how on earth I got the opportunity to know him. 

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A/N: a short update for today, just because I wrote it and Golden has given me such a serotonin boost that my batteries are completely full currently. I have some assignments for school that I have to finish, but I wanted to get this out first. Hope you enjoyed it! 

Be golden, be kind, always. 
T.