Broken Promise

Really? Tinder, okay.

I loved him..and as much as I hate to admit it, I still do...and that is what hurts the most. Knowing that I loved him so hard, and he didn't love me at all. It was all a game to him.

The way he smiled could light up a room. His laughter was the so bright and seriously contagious. You couldn't help but to join in when he was around. It was impossible not to be in a good mood with him there. He touch, his smile, his voice, everything about him drew you in and made you want more.  He was the definition of perfection in my eyes. His eyes were the deepest green that I had ever seen, they were like a cross between emeralds and the  green of the grass after a good rain. His lips were like clouds, so soft, supple, and sweeter than sugar. His skin was flawless, the soft olive tone, freckles that were perfectly spaced and looked like they were dancing across his face. His touch was like electricity pulsing through you with each graze across your skin.  His voice, oh his voice. The deep raspy southern twang, it was enough to give you chills (in the best way possible) when he said your name, honestly it could make you melt. Or at least that's what I thought anyway. This boy was addicting, everything about him.

I was head over heels for him, I was in love,my best friend loved to say that I crazy about him. Which I mean she was wrong, I always wanted more, I would have done anything to get it.

From day one there was some kind of connection between us. It was strange how well things were going and how easily we connected. He broke down my walls without an issues, it was like I couldn't help but to let him in. From the moment that we met, he started stealing my heart. It was little by little at first, but it didn't take long for him to completely captivate me. I couldn't fight it. I didn't want too. Jensen and I spent loads of time together, we were inseparable. He knew every move I made, he made me feel like the only girl in the world.

But, I should have known that he was too good to be true. I should have never allowed myself to get so comfortable with someone, because in the end it is always the exact same thing. Over and over again, its always the same. It doesn't matter if it is just a few days, or weeks, even a few months, they get tired of me once they have gotten what the want and they leave. They crush my heart and leave me laying here broken, worthless, and feeling like it was my fault. Who am I kidding, maybe I am the problem and I just don't see it. Maybe I do chase them away....

"Jessica you have got to put yourself out there. If you don't then you will never get out of this bed. You'll sulk here and throw a pity party every day. Lets do it, come the hell on." Sadie yapped pulling up tinder and shoving another pot-sticker in her mouth.  I am absolutely against this. Completely, totally against this whole idea. I don't need a dating app, I don't need a relationship, I don't want one.  I don't want to get hurt again. It has taken me over a year to start piecing myself back together after Jensen. "Keep looking at me like that and I am going to knock the piss out of you. You never know, maybe you will meet someone actually worth your time." She huffed. " You can't let one shitty relationship ruin everything. I mean hell, you could honestly just use a good screw. Maybe you could find some hottie to mess around with." I swear that sex and food are the only things that ever cross this bitch's mind.

"Sadie May Hanson!! Just quit. I don't know why you always think a good fuck and some food fixes everything. It isn't that simple..it takes time." She looks at me and does that stupid eye flutter thing.

"Jess, it has been over a year since you guys split, I know he done you wrong, I know that you're hurt. But if you don't get up and try to move on then you never will. Things will never change." She knows how I feel about all of this, she knows how bad everything in my life has been going. Its like I can't catch a break anymore. It is always one thing after the other. So I don't understand why she is pushing me so hard to get out there and meet new people. I don't like them, I don't need them. I don't need anyone else, I have my mom, my animals, and I have her. I think that's enough. What more could a girl need? "Please, Please just try this for me. Ill be here to pick up the pieces if you end up hurt again, I am always here. You know this. I've been here your entire life have I not? I've always been your best friend. I am only pushing you because I know how you are. If no one pushes you with this sort of thing then you will never leave this bed again."