Acquaintances at Hogwarts

Aragog Hit The Hog

Arya waited outside the Gryffindor common room, waiting just in case Harry decided to come through the portrait, and then she was going to wow him. She had worn a t-shirt with his and her face on it, surrounded by a love heart. He was bound to be impressed and not creeped out at all. 

"Oh Hi Aladdin!" Harry chirped as he walked through the portrait hole, seemingly in an extra super good mood.

"Hi, Harry!" Arya pounced, pushing her chest forward to show off her t-shirt. 

"I'm going to see Hagrid!" Harry said, happily.

"Can I come?" Arya asked.

"Hell yeah, I'm such a good mood now I'm all drugged up on liquid luck" Harry announced and then started doing a lad chant. 

"Heck, I'm in such a good mood, I'm going to give you your voodoo doll back!" Harry cheered, added a couple oi oi's on the end for banter, and then chucking the voodoo doll to Arya.

"Oh and nice t-shirt by the way, I look so damn good, ooosh, I am smoking hot" Harry said, looking at her shirt and she followed him down to Hagrid's Hut.

Unfortunately they bumped into dumpy old Slughorn on the way so he was hanging with them too.

As they approached the hut, they saw Hagrid standing outside, crying loudly.

"A-yo 'grid, why the long face bruh?" Harry asked as they reached him.

"Aragog, my massive terrifying spider friend is dead" Hagrid weeped. 

"He tried to kill me once" Harry said cheerfully. "But what a bummer, he was a good guy to have a beer with" 

"I'm having a funeral for him" Hagrid sobbed.

"Awesome, I love a good funeral" Harry chirped. 

"Let's go them!" Hagrid announced. 

All of a sudden they heard some extremely loud moaning. 

"Urghhh Cadwyn" They heard someone groan. 

Harry turned the corner to see Cormac and Cadwyn intensely snogging against the wall of Hagrid's Hut.

"Hi, Cormac and Cadwyn!" Harry cheered. "You guys coming to the funeral?"

Cadwyn and Cormac stopped and as they saw Slughorn they knew they'd get in trouble if he realised they were trying to get their bang on. 

"Umm, yeah, we are like super duper sad about, the uhh person who died" Cadwyn said.

"Yeah, this totally isn't our 4th favourite make out spot" Cormac tried to say convincingly. 

"You mean spider Cadwyn, not person" Hagrid corrected.

"Yeah...WHAT?! A SPIDER!" Cadwyn screamed before Cormac put his hand over her mouth.

When they approached Aragog's dead bod they were surprised to find Rhia and Draco next to it. 

"Maybe we could use one of the fangs to kill Dumbledore" Rhia suggested to Draco.

"Yeah, that's sounds...oh hi Haggers, Achmed, Slughorn, Harry, Cadwyn and Cormac" Draco stopped the conversation as he saw the funeral party.

"Here to mourn the death of Aragog as well?" Arya spat, not happy that her alone time with Harry had turned into a group event. 

"Absolutely, I love me a good spider, I used to babysit for him on occasion" Rhia lied.

"Really, he never mentioned that before" Hagrid inquired. 

Then Annabeth came running towards them, with genuine tears in her eyes.

"I'm not too late am I? I can't believe he's actually gone, we had the best tea parties together" Annabeth sobbed. 

After the funeral which most of the attendees only attended begrudgingly, Hagrid had a suggestion.

"How's about we all go back to my place for a pint?" He asked.

"Usually I wouldn't want to actually go inside your grubby little hut, as the smell makes me sick, but free booze, I'm in" Cadwyn said.

"Me too, I hate you all but I can't turn down free alcohol" Rhia agreed.

They all went back to the hut and got absolutley hammered. 

Then Slughorn admitted he told Voldy how to make horcruxes. 

"Wow, I always thought Slughorn was a fucking idiot, but telling The Dark Lord how to be evil, I respect him now" Rhia told Draco as they left the hut.

"Maybe we should ask him for some murdering tips" Draco suggested. 

"I can't believe he's gone" Annabeth cried as she ran upto the castle crying her eyes out over a giant spider. 

"Urgh, I'm soooo horny and all we got to do was have a tiny snog, and that was 3 hours ago" Cadwyn moaned at Cormac.

"I know, I can't believe no one noticed I've had a hard on for all that time" Cormac agreed.

"Well, I'm not going to bed without getting it on, let's go to our 3rd favourite make out spot" Cadwyn instructed and took Cormac's hand leading him onward.

"So Harry, I had a really good time" Arya said, batting her eyelids.

"Do you have something in your eye?" Harry asked.

"Only a lens full of you" Arya said seductively. 

"Haha, well, I've gotta go and tell Dumby that Voldemort has a bunch o' horcruxes, so see ya, Arendale" Harry cheered and then ran away, his dose of liquid luck running out. 

"He will be mine" Arya whispered to herself.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, GOOD JOKE ARYA!" Rhia shouted, hearing her whisper.