those thoughts,
those bad,
nasty,
disturbing thoughts:
they were evil,
downright volatile,
but those thoughts weren't mine.
i couldn't help but have them pop into my mind
every now and again,
i couldn't help that they were there.
they told me to kill,
to molest,
to defile and burn and torture
those who i cared about
and love the most.
i didn't want them,
but they were still there.
before i got those medications,
the only ones that could tame those evil thoughts,
i thought that maybe,
just maybe,
those were really my own thoughts.
i though that maybe,
i really was a horrible person.
but guess what?
i'm not a horrible person.
i'm only human,
and a dumb little human with trauma,
with reasons that those thoughts wormed their way
into their mind without need.
those thoughts were horrible,
but i didn't create them.
i only carried them in my head.
and it wasn't my fault.
it took me so long,
so very embarrassingly long,
to figure that out.
but it wasn't my fault that i had those intrusive,
obsessive,
and mean thoughts.
i'm disordered
and ill
and hurt from my very core being,
and that only made me more prone to those earworms.
i'm okay.
i'm a good person.
it wasn't my fault,
and i never once acted on those thoughts.
i'm just human.
YOU ARE READING
everything changes (but we all stay the same)
Poetryif my life could be replayed, if i could share my struggles over the course of time, if i could create such a thing, an endless recording of my life; it would be over hours and hours of overthinking. - (trigger warning for frequent, graphic descr...
