His letter came in the mail. I read aloud.
"2 years later and I still think about you every day, every night. How could I not? You're so beautiful. I wish I could see and apologize to you about everything I've done. I can still hear your voice. In this very cell, I write letters to you everyday, hoping you get them and read them. I know you don't love me, baby girl. That's okay. Even though I wish you did. In this very cell, your name is written every where on the walls. Jasmine. Jasmine. Jasmine. Jasmine, I love you. Jasmine, I miss you. Jasmine, I wish we were still together. Jasmine, I wish you were in my arms. I want to kiss you. Make love to you. I want to do a lot of things, but I got myself in this situation. Trust me, baby girl. When we meet again, you won't regret it.
from Daniel."
My eyes begin to water. He really loves me, but what he doesn't not that I have moved on. I will never forget being in that waiting room, waiting many hours to hear the news about trevor. Daniel beat him into a coma. He didn't awake from it. He was given extra time. More than 9 months to awake, but he didn't. The news was horrible. I don't think I have ever been more miserable in my life. It was all my fault that daniel got arrested. It was all my fault that trevor was beaten to death. If I have never cheated on daniel, I would still be with him. I will never look at myself the same. Trevor and daniel were best friends. I ruined it for them.
"Baby?"
My husband, levante, called me, walking inside of my basement. I quickly hid all of the written letters from daniel inside of a small brown box I kept locked.
"What are you doing down here?" I spat. "I like being alone when I'm down here."
"Why are you crying?"
Crying?
"I'm not crying, babe." I rubbed my eyes. "My eyes are just burning a little. I'm fine."
"Aren't you going to come upstairs? Your mother is waiting and noah is asking for you."
Noah. My son.
"I'm coming." I nodded. "Let me get 10 more minutes, okay?"
He sighed. "Sure, jasmine. I'll be back down here if you aren't upstairs in 10 minutes." At that, he left. I grabbed myself a nice clean piece of blank paper.
Daniel..I appreciate you. I really do. I'm thinking of going to see you, maybe tomorrow evening. We need to talk before it's too late. How are you? After 2 years, you're still telling me that you love me. You want us together. Do you ever think I'm a bitch, daniel? I'm a bitch. I snuck behind your back without you knowing. Doesn't that hurt you? Why do you still love me? You shouldn't love me. You don't need to love me. All I ever did was hurt you and you know it, so just admit it. It's okay because I will understand. I won't write much because I know I'll come see you tomorrow. How about 1 in the evening tomorrow? Okay.
from, jasmine.
I was stuck. I didn't know what else to write. I didn't want to tell him through letters that I was married and now have a one year old son. It will upset him. It'll break his heart. I'm going to have to tell him sooner or later. If I don't, It'll be even more of a problem when he gets out and see's what has been going on.
To be very fucking honest, I'm terrified to share the news with him.
He's locked up. What could he do?
I don't want to see him hurt.
