part two of day 8-decide

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Previously on Left Behind:

"I'm an imposter..."

White's POV:

Okay...well that's not exactly great. I know I'm crying and I know I'm crying hard, but so is Black. We're hugging and crying in a small storage closet. Nothing could possibly be any worse than this, because I honestly am speechless.

I need to make a decision about what I'm going to do. I know what is right. But that involves betraying someone I love. The option I know I should choose is to conceal his identity. I can't let him suffer the same way Pink did. Either way, I betray someone.

"Why did you tell me this. Now you've complicated everything and I have to try and hide the fact that you've betrayed us." He looked hurt, but I didn't even mean to seem angry. I guess I just am.

A tear slides down his cheek and lands on his uniform. He pulls me into him, and I rest my head on his chest. He was always taller than me.

"White, I'm so sorry. This was never meant to be, and I lead you on. I made you think that we could actually have something after this. One of us isn't going home, and it's not going to be you." He can't even look me in the eyes. I don't want him to.

What am I supposed to do in this position? He won't let me sacrifice myself for him. So then why did he even tell me? Please, Black, just take it back; continue leading me on.

"Why can't you just give up? Maybe they'll let you leave for being honest." I doubt that would actually work and doubt he would try it. They'd vote him out instantly.

There really is no way to win in this situation. What the hell are we going to do?

"No...we both know that would never work. The whole point of the experiment was to discover how badly betrayal affects people." His voice fades off. How does he know about the experiment?

"H-how do you know about that? I mean, about the experiment." My voice is trembling and I feel so scared. Not because I think he'll kill me, but because I don't know if I can go without him.

"I was a scientist. I volunteered and got an advantage. They didn't wipe my memories and I got to...choose my role. I never meant to fall for you. At first, I rhought it would bring better results, but now..." He sounds sincere and I believe him. But every word that spills from his lips is like another knife cutting into my skin. I can't take this for much longer.

"Oh my God, Black," I'm laughing like I'm insane, "you really are not who you made me think you were. I gave you me and you gave me an imposter. Quite literally."

He steps back from me, hurt. But he's hurt me first. I need to get out of here, away from him. I could understand before, but he actually chose to be an imposter. I mean, wow.

I push the door open and attempt to leave, but he grabs onto my wrist. I turn my to face him. He has a dark look in his eyes. There is so much tension in his face.

"You can't tell the others. I haven't decided what I will do. Even if I die, please don't think any less of me."

And then he lets go. He's letting go of so much more than my wrist. He's letting go of our relationship. All of the trust that was left. The life we could've had together.

I want to so badly to run back to him and fall into his arms, crying. I don't want to care about anything, but I know I can't do that. No, that's not right. Instead, I find the emergency meeting button and press it, knowing what will come next.

~~

The crew starts to file into the cafeteria and sits at the table. Black looks at me with so much betrayal. He doesn't blame me, I know he doesn't.

I won't lose it in front of everyone. Everything is completely fine. Everything will be fine. Why is lying so easy to do?

Orange sits down in the seat next to me. She is quite confused, and I also realize a tear has fallen. I quickly wipe it, pretending that it didn't happen. Then I clear my throat. This is the last decision I may make.

I go over my plan in my head a hundred times. Either the imposter wins or the crewmates win. No exceptions. That was part of the experiment, I realize.

There are five of us left. If we vote out Black, we get to go home. But maybe -and its a stretch- someone else can replace the imposter. Unfortunately, there is one person who would go alone with me.

"Orange, I need to talk to you. Alone."

And then we're walking out and she's concerned. Fuck, will I be able to do this? I have to, be strong. Be strong.

I take a deep breath, "uh, okay. So, please turn around, I want to show you something."

The fact that she obeys makes me even more sick. What am I doing? She trusts me with her life and I'm going to use that. I deserve to suffocate in space, even if I don't follow through.

I have to. They will vote me out either way. But there will still be too many people to go home. One too many. That's what I'm taking care of right now.

"I'm sorry," and then I take a knife that I was hiding and murder her. I don't know how or why. I couldn't look or even realize what I did. I just know that I hate myself for everything.

I have blood all over and now I'm crying. They all come out together.

"Holy shit!"

It's over. I'm dead.

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