Blair Silver

Part 24: Hurt

"It just sucks," she mutters. 


I wrap an arm around her shoulders. "Want to watch a movie?" 


She sniffs and nods. I set up a non-romantic comedy, as tearfully requested, and make sure to give her lots of hugs while we watch.

Honestly, I feel a little guilty. I encouraged her to believe that Elliot might like her. So I kind of set my best friend up to get hurt. But I know that this is about her, not me, so I put that aside for now and focus on making sure she's as okay as possible.

For the next few days, I focus on supporting Jillian. Doing everything I can to help her be okay. She's my best friend, and it kills me to see her so upset. Part of me wants to yell at Elliot, but I know he didn't really do anything wrong. Except maybe leading her on, if extremely long text conversations lasting until the early hours of the morning can be called that.

On Sunday, I go to her house again. My parents are a bit miffed, I think, because they were hoping to drag me to Charlotte's piano recital in the afternoon, but it's not like I haven't been to the past like, seven years' worth of her piano recitals, and it's not a huge deal anyways, like her band stuff is (I honestly don't know why they care so much if I go. Maybe they're hoping Charlotte's chaotic abundance of extracurriculars will rub off on me if they expose me to enough of it). Besides, being there for my best friend is the most important thing right now. We end up watching movies all day, because Jillian says she just wants to take her mind off of Elliot.

Then it's Monday, which I thought would be hard for Jilly, since Mondays usually suck and she's not in the best of moods, but she seems surprisingly happy for the distraction. Elliot still texts her during lunch, though, since he doesn't know anything has changed between them. Jillian responds to his eager messages once every, like, fifteen minutes, picking at her food and eventually pulling out a textbook to study. I'm proud of her for being able to ignore Elliot to the extent she is, but I can see it's paining her.

Tuesday: Jillian looks exhausted and somewhat stressed when she gets on the bus in the morning. I give her a hug, feeling her crumple a little. "He asked if something was wrong, last night."

I give her a little squeeze. "What did you say?"

"I told him I was just tired, and I had to study for an upcoming test so I couldn't text him."

"And?" Jillian isn't one to cram for exams. She studies in small chunks over a large period of time, which allows her to balance everything else in her life. She does a brief review of all the material in the nights just before the test, which works very well for her. I don't have that kind of patience and commitment- I usually just cram all my studying in on the weekend before my exams. I don't know if Elliot actually knows this about her, but I'm pretty sure she had a test at some point since they started talking and she definitely didn't ignore him then. So...

"He just said okay, and that he didn't want to stress me out."

"If that's what he's trying to do, he should probably stop texting you altogether."

She's silent. I know she doesn't want that, but she also knows that I'm right and this is taking a toll on her emotionally. And it's most likely only going to get worse- but she's holding out hope for him. "I can't just say that..."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry."

She rests her head on my shoulder, staring at the seats in front of us dejectedly. "It's not your fault," she whispers, and in that moment I would do absolutely anything to make her feel better. But there's nothing I can do.

During classes, her spirits pick up a little bit. Lunch comes around, and she leaves her phone on silent in her backpack, not bothering to check it at all. I'm proud of her for being able to do that. I know she's feeling better because of it, and in the afternoon classes she's more upbeat. When we leave for the day, she's managed to forget about it to some extent, because she's laughing at some post Rachel found on Instagram.

On the bus on the way home, she checks her phone out of habit and her smile drops. She makes a face and puts it away again, sighing. I know better than to ask.

"Emotional investment is the worst," she mutters. I put an arm around her for support.

"But it's part of life," I remind her, and she rolls her eyes (though she's smiling a little).

"Doesn't mean it doesn't suck. Also doesn't mean I can't try to avoid it, unlike some people." She elbows me in the ribs, and I make a face at her.

"I don't actively search out ways to get hurt!"

She gives me a look. Which is fair, honestly. I may not actively search out emotional pain, but I definitely don't try to avoid it. I read books that either break my heart into a million pieces or end, which always sucks. And I'm dating Blair Silver, even though... we both know he's going to hurt me.

Let me know what you think! What did you think of Theo postponing his date with Blair to comfort Jillian? And Elliot going on a date with his sister's friend? How about Jillian's reaction to that? Any predictions for the next chapters?

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