Blood Stained and Lettered

Chapter 2: Word by Word

PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS AN ALTERNATE ENDING TO THE PREVIOUS CHAPTER. THIS MEANS THAT ALL OF THE LETTERS ARE HELD VALID, BUT the two scenes at the end DIDN'T happen.
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I think I'm odd.

Not that that's something important or anything, but just... I think I'm strange. And not the mentally retarded way either.

When I was a kid, everyone feared the dark. The dark was a cloak that hid monsters and demons, lying in wait to snatch you up and do unspeakable things to you. Perhaps even eat you. I don't know. All of the other boys at school would never say anything about their fear, but I could see it in their eyes. For all they boasted and lied, the darkness was the amalgamation of all things untouchable and bad.

Almost like all of their wildest fears personified... but perhaps it was.

But it's strange. I... I never feared the dark as a child. I took comfort in it. The darkness loved me, and I loved the darkness. Only 'til Hogwarts did I start rejecting it, as that's what every other student I grew to be friends with did. Eventually I forgot how much the darkness loved me, and how it saved me and comforted me through everything.

The darkness had been my comfort zone. And each summer, I would mourn its loss... after all, I abandoned the darkness. What reason did it have to stay with me? So through all of the beatings, through all of the pain, I didn't have the one thing that provided my solstice.

Only recently have I been reminded of its haunting touch, and only recently have I craved it even more.

Was I born to love the darkness? Sometimes I don't know.

You're probably agreeing with my previous statement now. How could someone feel darkness? How could someone love it so obsessively? That person must be strange.

I suppose I am. But I'm not particularly bothered by it, as long as you don't mind.

Darkness was never bad, never untouchable to me. It was always within hands' reach, waiting eagerly to become pliant in my grasp. Why is it, then, that when I arrived at Hogwarts, I so eagerly believed that darkness represented the one thing that was my most hated and despised? Why did I believe them when they told me I should loathe the darkness?

I loved it. Still do, actually-simply remembering its sweet, calming embrace is like a balm for me through these nights.

I don't know why I can suddenly feel it again; love it like I do... but does it really matter? They say I was born in the light-to the Light, even-but what raised me was the darkness. How could I have forgotten? How could I have-

I don't know. I've been stupid for so long, ignoring things for so long... Things that I shouldn't have. I'm lost, and I feel like I've almost found the way but I'm not quite at that turn yet, even though I know it's up ahead. I just can't tell how far up.

Hey... I know I've asked you if you've ever lived before, right? Well... sometimes I wonder if I've ever lived...ever. Everything just feels so surreal, like the world is falling away and dripping and melting all into the darkness-no, to form the darkness.

All of the cruelty is swept away, and all of the love and friendship and happiness go right along with it. The darkness is the only thing that's left. And... that's okay.

That's okay.

That's... okay.

You've probably never met someone as weird as me, huh? Talking about all this magical stuff that probably makes no sense-even to the fucking wizarding world. I guess I almost come into tie with Luna Lovegood, and you're hard-pressed to ever find those results.