I woke up today in such a horrible mood. Enraged, frustrated, confused.
What could I do??? Is this even worth it??? I wanted to so badly scream, yell, hit, anything to let out this rage.
Should I stay loyal to Jack or should I play the same game as him? Should I leave or play him?
Those thoughts were all that I was thinking about. I had the rightful reasons to be enrage. He had sex with Linnaea, even though they are broken up.
Does he still love her? I thought he didn't.
I kept having dreams, over and over, about him. Seeing him cry and beg for me. Me becoming more powerful and getting revenge on him and Linnaea.
But after those, I woke up crying, I guess I was still in shock. All day I was enraged but scared.
I was getting signs like wild fire that he will end up apologizing to me and wanting to start something new. That I am unforgettable to him, that I am the hottest person he ever been with, that he is giving up everything for me.
I honestly was confused, thinking it was all lies. I was fed up, my patience ran out. If he was going to keep doing this, I will start to play and destroy him without mercy.
I was running out of strength to keep fighting for his love, why should I fight for someone who couldn't even meet me half way.
Keenann woke up, he comforted me immediately, trying to help me relax down. I wanted to so badly hurt anyone. He, though, knew what calmed me down the fastest, loving and hitting my sweet spots.
He saw the best way to calm me and comfort me was to have phone sex. He knew I loved it a lot. I did indeed enjoy it a whole load. It relaxed me down and finally kept me calm.
Then Jack texted me, I felt so much dread as I clicked off Keenann's chat to check Jack's chat.
He, well, he was so extremely down. He was apologizing to me. I decided, you know what, its time to speak my mind. I started to go off on how can he even love me and still cheat on me. I felt my rage get the better of me, but that's all I could feel, rage.
He started to cry and beg for forgiveness, I yelled at him saying "If you want me to stay then get rid of her! I am sick and tired of fighting for your love just for you to play around! You know I can play the same fucking game, I have others that want me badly and I decide to waste my time and energy on you!"
He fell silent, I knew he was crying behind the screen. It felt amazing to finally let out all that rage.
"If you want me, you have to promise that you will only love me, that you are only devoted to me, that you want me and me only! Not every girl or guy will have the time or patience to handle you, be lucky I handled your bullshit for this long" I said, I went back to my work, feeling way better.
He started to spam text me. Then text me a long paragraph.
"I am so sorry for what I been doing. I love you only, I will do anything for your love, please I beg of you to stay with me. I love you so fucking much, no matter what and you know this. I will kick out Linnaea right now, let that fat obese bitch waddle out this dorm. Please, don't leave me, you love me so much more, you are the only one I want and the only one that brings me happiness. Please let me prove to you that you can trust and love me again. Please just please let me show how much I love you!"
I read that, sighed, and then typed.
"Then prove it, show that you love me, show that you are worthy of my love and time. Show me that you will do anything for my love. Actions will always speak louder than words to me"
I went back to texting Keenann, showing all the screenshots of me and Jack's conversation. Keenann was extremely proud of me for standing my ground.
He went silent once again, I felt so much better.
I kept seeing The Devil card but in Reserved, the Ace of Cups upright as well. I saw that as a sign of breaking free and gaining an overflow of love.
I was then going on with my day. Having fun with Keenann, doing classes, making up late work. Listening to music.
He came back only like about 20 mintues later, telling me that Linnaea left and he was breaking down. My soft heart couldn't look away so I asked why was he even crying.
He started to spam text me and rant how he felt so extremely guilty for hurting me and that he was getting so many nightmares from cheating on me. I felt somewhat proud of that, making him cry and feel guilty made me feel amazing.
He began to beg for me to give him a second chance. That he is on his knees begging for me. I sighed and said I had to see.
"I honestly don't know if I should believe you, but well, I have to see if its a good choice or am I gonna to go running around again in this hell" I texted to him.
"I want to love you and be with you but sometimes the person you want so badly is poisonous" I texted as well. I knew it was breaking him.
"What can I do to prove to you that I am worthy of your love? That you can trust me again..." He replied back.
"Simple, be loyal to me until we break up or if we break up. Stop having sex with people who aren't with you, no matter how much you want it. Be honest with me. Stay with me. That's fucking it, its so fucking simple yet you have a hard time being loyal" I told him, I was shuffling my cards, asking if I should take him back, they said yes. But I had to be careful.
I sighed and looked at my phone. "I promise you that I will love you and you only as long as we are together, please don't leave me..." he texted me. I replied simply with "They say to give you one more chance, but I have to be careful around you and be ready to leave at any minute"
"Okay...can we please text more? I miss talking to you..." He replied. "Sure, text me whenever you want to" I said back.
After that, he become extremely sweet and soft to me. Sometimes being a bit dominant but mainly submissive and soft to me. I could sense fear of abandonment.
I knew I was the only who loved him enough to be more than a sex partner but someone who loved him for him. I knew he feared losing the only person in his life that cared that deeply of him.
I later learned that Linnaea became hated on, everyone shaming her over and over and forcing her to be skinny again. I honestly didn't care, I know that she deserved every piece of her karma and my revenge.
She tried multiple times to come back but I threatened to break up and cheat on Jack if he took her back.
I knew that he was fearful of the coldhearted side of me, he would obey my every order. But of course I treated him well as well. I loved him and made sure he knew that I loved and cared about him deeply.
He really loved being around me and was always in a happy mood when around me. There were times he was down but I was always there with him to get through with him.
In a way, I am glad he made the right choice, but another it made me stronger and not willing to take anyone's bullshit anymore.
I knew that I did have a lot of power over him and mainly was able to control him but I never abused it and always made sure he was happy and safe.
🍒🥀💀I am grateful and thankful that the universe was able to separate Jack and Linnaea since their connection was purely toxic. I am so grateful and thankful that Jack changed for me and chose me over Linnaea. I am so thankful that my manifestation and scripting worked so powerfully. I am incredibly grateful for the universe for allowing my revenge to be given to Linnaea. I am so grateful that I am able to work out the relationship between me and Jack. I am incredibly grateful that I am free from this pain and cycle. I am so grateful to be free and happy once again. I am so thankful that Linnaea is no longer in me or Jack's life. I am beyond grateful that I have a healthy and happy relationship with Jack. I feel so blessed that my manifestation and scripting worked so fast and is so powerfully. 💀🥀🍒
