Chapter 39

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When I finally came to, the first thing i noticed was how sore i was. My downstairs burned, I still felt slight contractions, and my c- section scar felt puffy and swollen. Then i remembered the c- section, and how one of the baby wasn't breathing. I tried to sit up, but I was much too achey and tired. I managed to get out a mumble of things. Betty walks to me, her cheeks were stained red, she'd been crying. "whats-" "he didnt make it," she said bursting into sobs. I suddenly felt like id been hit by a ton of bricks. "No-" she nods yes. "I wanna see him," i said while tears threatened to fall down my face. Betty just walked away, out of the room silently. A nurse walked in carrying a bundle. I held my dead son in my hands, and everything just went numb. He was blue in the face and looked weak and helpless. I craddled his body into me, ignoring the aches that pulsated through my body. Tears started spilling and suddenly I was sobbing. I don't remember much, but apparently I went into a fit of shock and started crying about how I had failed him, then tried to fight the nurse when she went to take him away. This resulted into me being administered more pain medicine that caused me to go out cold. I wake up again numb, I did not want anything to do with anything. They forced my baby girl in my hands, I felt no attachment towards her, I was absolutely depleted. I really just wanted to die.

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