Jughead's Family Secret

Chapter 40

My time in the hospital was strange. I knew I had to pull myself together for Ash, for Betty, for this baby who I had no clue what I was going to name and didn't really care for. I was still so depressed and every time the baby sobbed or suckled I was reminded how I was supposed to have 2 babies. The doctors put me on some antidepressants and that helped some but there was still a numbness present. Ash was such a rock for me through this time. She was such an amazing big sister and big helped to Astroid. Though she was young she seemed to understand why I would cry while feeding this small thing that relied on me and she would hug me and go "It's gonna be okay Daddy." I knew my young daughter was right, so through the grief and postpartum I stayed strong, I knew I had a reason to keep going. It was just so hard sometimes because all of that struggle and fight for my baby boy to be gone, but knowing that he never went cold or hungry, or never felt the sharpness of the world brought me glimpses of peace. Betty was sad, but she could never understand the hurt I had gone through, and I resented her for that. I know it isn't fair but sometimes it feels like I am the only one really grieving, she didn't carry him in her womb, or stay hospital bound for weeks so he would make it so he would live. My only job for those months was to keep both babies alive and I failed, that burden left me feeling like the world was harsh and unfair. I eventually joined a grief group and that helped me step up and be the dad I needed to be, the husband I needed to be. Me and my family of 4 eventually grew back into a normal that wasn't riddled with my grief and sobbing, the memory of my baby boy eventually faded and only ever hit in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep. We eventually were happy with just the 4 of us.