Autophobia (Brusnop)

1: I Don't Have A Problem

A/n: As per usual, I have to clear up some shit before we begin. Number one, while it is not historically accurate, in the context of the story, Ben just broke up with Sam. Number two, well, this should have been number one, but the story takes place in 2013. Number three, Danny doesn't have a girlfriend at the time for the sake of the story. Number four, for the sake of the story, they only have one bus. Not two. Number five, vote, comment, etc. I'll respond to it typically. 

Danny's POV:

I don't have a problem. I don't drink too much. I'm not strung out. And I'm most certainly not in love with Benjamin Bruce. 

Nope. 

The end.

Fin. 

No more.

Stop fucking reading you cunts!

Okay, okay. Maybe I do have a problem. I think at this point my drinking has become less of an indulgence and more of a dependence. You can see just by looking at my eyes that I'm high, which is why I'm always wearing sunglasses. And Ben.

Oh, well that's a different story altogether.

See, he's been with Sam since day one, and before that even. I never had a shot with him. Not until now. Last week she broke up with him. It'd be cruel to try and get him now, but there's always a looming temptation. There's been a looming temptation for as long as I can remember. 

Of course, he's not really gay. And as far as anyone else knows, neither am I. 

As far as anyone knows. 

Except of course, James. He figured it out one night when I was nearing blackout. I thought that he was drunk too, so I confessed that I thought that I'd fallen in love with my best friend. And the next morning, he told me that I'd told him this. And I made him swear not to tell another living soul. 

Or a dead one either.

Yet after all this time, I can't bring myself to be embarrassed by it. I mean, I don't want him to know obviously. But if we were together, I'd shout it from rooftops. I would never stop rubbing in the fact that I, Danny Worsnop, had struck absolute gold with the one and only Benjamin Bruce.

But that would never happen.

Which brings me back to square one. I don't have a problem.

So stop fucking reading you cunts.

Or else you may stop believing me.

Well, now that introductions are out of the way, let's get around to the story part of this, shall we?

The time was two in the morning. Ben was starting to fall asleep on the bus's couch. Did you ever notice that he stops playing with his hair when he's about to fall asleep?

Of course you haven't! Only I would notice something so obscure.

"Danny?" Ben mumbled.

I was pretending to be texting. So I looked up. "What?"

"It still hurts. As much as I wasn't loyal, it still hurts."

He was talking about her. There was a creature inside of me that didn't like that. But he doesn't know that. So I faked sympathy. "It always hurts at first."

"When does it end?"

I thought for a moment before answering. "That would depend. It might end soon. It might end in four years. Who knows?"

"I wish it would end soon. I want to move on. "

"I understand."

There was a long pause. I prayed that he was asleep when I spoke. "Ben?" I asked.

"Mmm?"

"I think that I'm autophobic," I told him.

"For who?"

"I can't say."

"Well, this mystery person had better not leave you then."

I almost told him not to, but I held my tongue. "I don't think that they will. But I never had them in the first place. " 

"Sounds like you've got an impossible crush, " He teased me. 

"Forget about it. Just go to sleep. " I can't believe that I did something so stupid. 

Oh, wait. Yes I can. Why? Because I'm always doing stupid stuff like that. How had he not figured it out yet? Personally, I think that Ben is the oblivious one. 

"Well, I hope I works out for ya. Night. " 

You have no idea. "Night." 

What did I tell you? 

That this is the way the story will always go. I think that Ben's starting to figure it out, and then he doesn't. I honestly think that he's just been messing with me for the last five years and has known all along. What would he do if he knew that it was true? 

Who knows? 

Or maybe James is a traitor who tipped him off. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Possibly, perhaps. 

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. James came into the front lounge where Ben and I were. "Did you tell him yet?" James asked me. 

Oh, right. I promised James that I'd finally tell Ben today. Oops. "Nope."

"Why not?" James asked, sighing. This had been happening every day since Ben broke up with Sam. 

"Because he told me that it still hurts. There's no point in telling him now. Nothing is going to change. It'll just ruin our friendship. And then he'll think I'm happy that he and Sam aren't together anymore."

"Aren't you?"

"Of course I am. But I also don't like seeing him so down all of the time. I can't believe that she hurt him like this." 

James sighed. "If you don't tell him sometime tomorrow, I will."

"You swore not to tell."

"That was before this. You've been trying to say something for the last three years. And yet somehow, the words still find a way to escape you."

"I don't want him to know about it."

"You're getting increasingly more and more obvious as time goes on, Danny. He's going to figure it out sooner or later. You may as well just tell him." I was about to take a drink from a bottle of alcohol, but James stopped me. "I'm serious Danny. You'll feel better if you don't have to keep it a secret."