Before You Leave

24. Never Have I Ever

"It's okay," I mumble, intoxicated on him. "I'm being deflective." I look up at him through hooded eyes, trying to meet his. "I'll tell you all about it when I'm ready."

He sighs. "I know you will. And I trust you."

I turned around in his arms slowly, keeping one hand on his cheek and letting the other rest on his shoulder as I kissed him once. "I love you."

Shit. No. I did not just say that. His eyes go wide, but that's the last thing I see. I see his icy blue eyes and then I'm bolting to the window, climbing down faster than humanly possible.

I so did not mean to say that. Fuck. Crap. Shit.

He seemed so shocked, too. Just FUCK.

Maybe he didn't hear?

My knees kept scraping the concrete from how careless I was being, but I didn't care. I eventually jumped onto the ground and I rubbed my hands on my dress, trying to get off the color and feeling of the rust of the pipes. I heard Gideon climbing after me, but I was bolting for where the car usually was.

He wasn't far behind, but I reached it first and I jumped into a seat next to Cameron as I sighed.

"Fuck. I messed up, Cam."

"What?" He said.

But Gideon was panting as he got into the bar on the other side of Cam.

You could cut the tension with a knife.

Fuck fuck fuck.

Aria was already in the front, in the middle of Ian and Ray.

"Gideon, right?" Ray called from the front seat.

Gideon slowed his breathing as he nodded.

"Yeah, JJ's lightweight," Ian reminded everyone. I laughed a little bit, remembering when Gideon got drunks but I didn't laugh for long my stomach was churning. I really said the L word to Gideon. To my kiss ass.

"Boyfriend," Aria corrected.

Ray spit his drink out the window. Then, he turned around and smirked as he looked back at me, twisting in his seat. "No," he said.

I blushed. I didn't render to talk about Gideon and I right now. Now was not the time. But, I nodded and said, "Yes," hoarsely.

"No!" He said excitedly as he looked in between us. He sighed and pulled out a ten and slid it to Cameron.

I snorted. "You did not bet on my lov—" I cleared my throat— "my relationship life." I was not going to say the l word for the rest of the night. "Especially not you, Cam." I scowled.

His cheeks were inflamed. "It was obvious. And quick money," he explains.

I roll my eyes. "Asshole."

"I just didn't think it would take you THAT long to figure out," he continues.

I scoff. "I've been dating him for a little over a month, thank you very much."

"But you've known each other for like five months," Aria chimes in. "Well, of each other. Three months is when you got close."

I groan. "I'm not discussing my relationship with you guys, who are ALL single, by the way."

"Speak for yourself," Aria and Ray both said at the same time. I snorted at them. Ever the players.

I looked at Gideon, but as soon as he looked at me, I snapped my head back forward.

I used to be a player, but he changed everything, didn't he?

———————

The party was dull. It was filled with strangers and weirdos.

I stayed next to Cameron the whole time. Aria and Ray both went to get some drinks, but Ian stayed behind with us.

I looked over at them. They were out of earshot now, but they looked like they were arguing by the living room while I stood awkwardly by the dance floor.

I was avoiding Gideon. Aria and Ray took him with them, so I knew he'd be safe.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. I can't believe I said the L word to him.

After ten minutes of straight moping, Ian's friend Bethany, who was the host of the party, suggested we should play never have I ever.

I decided to play to get my mind off of things. Ian, Cameron and Gideon joined along with seven other strangers I didn't know.

Everyone was handed a solo cup and I avoided eye contact with Gideon.

Bethany started. "Never have I ever drank."

Everyone took a drink.

It was passed onto a blonde boy. "Never have I ever had sex." I sighed as I drank. This was already boring. Gideon, another boy, Cameron and a girl didn't drink.

It was passed to Cameron. "Never have I ever set a gym on fire," he said jokingly. He was only three people down from me. I snorted as I looked down at my drink.

Ian sat beside me and nudged me as he tilted his head. "Shouldn't you be drinking?"

I wanted to crush the cup in my hand.

"Drink, JJ," Ian says quietly.

I look up and glare at him. "No."

"Just drink, JJ, no one here cares," Cameron assures me.

"I'm not going to drink because I didn't set the gym on fire, assholes."

"JJ—" Ian started warningly, but I interrupted him.

"Ian did," I whispered.

"You tattling bitch—"

I leaped back away from a very drunk and clumsy Ian, who had lunged for me from his place on the carpet.

Cameron and Gideon were already upon him and they captured his arms.

"Tell them, Ian," I say. "Tell them."

"Fine," he says, trying to yank his arms back. But the boys kept their hold.

Everyone else at the party was watching intensely.

"I set the gym on fire and was the one who called the police and told them you started it with drugs."

"Why would you do that to her?" Cameron asks, clearly disgusted as he looked down at his former boyfriend.

"Because you were in love with her and I wanted you to be in love with me!" He screams, thrashing around.

"She's my best friend, idiot, I'm not in love with her," Cameron says, forehead scrunched with frustration as he talked.

"It wasn't hard for the cops to believe, either," he says, smiling a bit now. "With your rap-sheet, it was too easy."

I kneed him in the crotch. "Fuck you."

He winced as he groaned, going limp in their arms until he regained his balance and the feeling in his balls again.

"Why'd you take the fall for it?" Gideon asked me softly.

"I didn't know that's why he did it," I say, eyes tearing up. "I took the fall because he told me if his father caught him with anymore drugs and with a mess up with big, he'd hit him again." I squeaked a sob as tears poured. "And I couldn't have that happen. I loved you guys!"

"Rot in hell, bitch."

Gideon smacked the back of his head. "Let's get him out of here."

"I got it," Cameron said softly as he started to drag Ian away against his will.

"You should have told me," he says with a sigh as he puts his hands on my crossed arms.

"I didn't want anyone to find out," I said hoarsely.

"Loyal until the end," he whispers.