I.L.Y. - A MewGulf AU

Alt. prologue: Gulf

But... instead of Mew realizing he loved Gulf as well, it had a different effect.

When he heard Mew doubt his own love, he felt heartbroken at first. Angry at his husband for being so dumb, confused as to how he could even think such a thing! Then he felt disappointed in Mew. He had expected better of the man. How could he only fall in love with Gulf because of lingering feelings of a fictional relationship? Wasn't he the more mature one? Why was he having this much doubt in him? In this relationship? Why did he pursue this relationship if he wasn't a hundred percent sure?

Eventually, he started accepting the man's feelings. If Mew really did not love Gulf as Gulf, there was nothing the younger could do. It made him feel sick and broke his heart every time he was reminded of the man who was doubting his feelings for him. How he wanted them to be real. How he wanted the man to turn around, start laughing and say it was all a joke.

What a joke that would be....

And so, Gulf decided he would allow Mew to do what he wants. If he wants to spend evenings alone, away from the apartment in places Gulf could never reach, he would accept it. If it came to it... he could even accept if Mew cheated on him.

He was willing to sacrifice his own heart to make the man happy.

The thought of being separated from Mew scared Gulf so much, he didn't know if he could survive it. But if he had to do it to make the man happy again, then he would. He just didn't know if he'll ever be whole again after that.

Gulf instead basked in the attention he got when they appeared in public, on the few interviews or shoots they had together. His own jobs were set aside to accept any job with Mew instead, as long as it wasn't acting. He just wanted to be next to the man and feel loved. Even if said man... was only acting.

Earlier this evening the pair had sat together at the table, both not talking. Gulf had waited patiently for the older to say something, but instead was met with silence. Eventually, Mew excused himself to go meet some friends. Codewords for going away alone to some random bar.

Gulf wanted to yell at him to stay, to talk to him and to make this work, but he knew he wouldn't do it. So, he just said a silent "Goodbye" as the older left.

"He's gone out drinking?" P'Best voice interrupted his thoughts. Gulf answered a "yes", making the manager curse. He could hear him picking up his phone, furiously typing to alert P'Bosser to keep an eye on Mew. They'd done this before, just to be sure. It was how Gulf knew about his husband's nightly escapades.

"We didn't even fight," the younger explained, feeling drained suddenly. He had finished his skin-care routine and suddenly wanted nothing more to go lie down and never move again. "I just wanted to have dinner together, talk about tomorrows schedule and maybe suggest that cute restaurant at the end of the street for tomorrow", the restaurant was on the highest floor, giving the diners a romantic view of the whole of Bangkok around them.

"But he didn't say anything, and I felt too shitty to try and start a conversation, so he just left," the words were bitter in his mouth, "As usual."

"As usual," P'Best repeated his words, though Gulf thought it was more to P'Best himself than to him.

"Fuck," Gulf cursed as he wiped away the tear. He just took care of his face; tears would ruin all his effort. "I just want to celebrate my wedding anniversary with the man who loves me!" he seemed to yell the words. Who is supposed to love me! He picked up his phone as he left the bathroom and entered the bedroom.

He threw both himself and his phone on the right side of the bed, curling up on top of the blankets. Tears kept streaming down his face while he desperately tried to wipe them off.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have called you," Gulf hiccupped. His manager started saying it's alright, but Gulf already broke off the call.

He kept fighting his tears until eventually he was too exhausted to do so. His heart was hurting, his face and nose as well now, and all the effort he'd done to clean up earlier was wasted. Everything he'd done this evening had been a waste.

The gift that was hidden in his bedside table had all been a waste.

After he had somewhat calmed down, he turned around to stare at the ceiling, He felt peaceful after such an outburst of emotions. As if he could see his own problems from a different perspective, one that was not his.

"P'Mew, please don't leave me," his plea was left unanswered.

Gulf closed his eyes.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

--- 

Author's note: And that concludes this weeks update! I'm so glad to see people are enjoying and commenting on this story, I really love reading them! They bring me the motivation to continue writing. 

This prologue was meant to be published earlier, but I forgot about it until now. Whoops. I hope you enjoy an insight into the original Gulf's thoughts and what happened between him and Mew. See you next week with 2 chapters!