Spoby One Shots

30 • The Long(ish) Goodbye

Spencer Hastings lay on her bed in her college dorm and took a deep breath before opening her journal. Journaling was something she'd picked up doing when Alison went missing. It helped her muddle through her emotions when she didn't understand how she was feeling. It helped her vent, get out all her frustration, reveal the secrets she'd never dared tell anyone.

Every day she wrote a little summary of the day, talking about what she'd done, who she'd seen, how she felt. It was comforting to her control-freak side to be able look back on a day in high school and read about all the -A drama and know exactly when it was all happening. 

Although a lot of the entries were filled with secrecy and pain, some pages also held her best memories, it showed her relationships developing. It showed her going from hating Toby Cavanaugh to falling completely in love with him.

Today was no different although now she blinked back the tears that were clouding her vision, picked up her pen and wrote:

'One day A.T.C.'

A.T.C - After Toby Cavanaugh. And no, he hadn't died. But Spencer felt like he had, she felt like part of her heart had.

Yesterday she'd lost the best thing she'd ever had, her and her boyfriend of 4 years had broken up. In a way, she felt like they'd been in the process of breaking up for a while now. She was a sophomore in college and constantly stressed with exams, while Toby was trying to keep a full time job in the Police force and it was difficult to make the 2 and a half hour drive every weekend.

After 2 years it had just become too much, seeing each other was an inconvenience instead of something they looked forward to and whilst they loved the time they spent together, they were apart too much for it to feel worth it anymore.

Spencer knew that it was hurting them both a lot and they loved each other too much to continue feeling and making each other feel that way.

She knew she didn't love him any less, in fact she doubted there would ever be a day in her life when she wasn't completely and utterly head over heels for Toby but right now, this wasn't loving him the way he deserved and she finally understood the concept of "if you love someone let them go." 

If she really loved Toby as much as she knew she did she would have to let him go, stop hurting him the way their relationship was hurting him and maybe, if they were truly meant to be, they'd find their way back eventually.

Unbeknownst to Spencer, Toby was thinking the same thing. He also knew he didn't love her any less, he loved her more than he ever had and it was just how much he loved her that allowed him to stop being selfish and realise that in the long run, this was the best thing for them, even if it hurt worse than anything else for a while. 

It was this heart-wrenching, painful mix of thoughts and feelings which led Toby to getting in his truck, the truck she'd bought him and held so many of their memories, and driving to Georgetown. He left after working overtime meaning he would get to Spencer's about half an hour before midnight so was praying she'd still be awake.

She wasn't expecting him exactly, especially since it was 11:30pm, but she was expecting this and she knew as soon as she opened the door to see him standing there why he'd come.

"Toby! Hey, what are you doing here?" she asked, although inside she already knew. Being with someone for 4 years you learn their mannerisms and their give aways and she knew just by looking at Toby's face what was coming next.

"I wanted to see you, to talk to you, and I didn't want it to be on the phone." he explained.

Spencer held her door open wider and gestured for him to come in. Her roommate, Evie, was out so it was just the two of them. Toby looked at the pictures she had on her wall. Some of the girls, a couple older family shots with an adorable little Spencer in them and a lot of the two of them. He felt a pang and for a moment wondered if he was completely overreacting. They were Spencer and Toby, they'd been to hell and back together, they'd broken up before, they could get through this. But seeing those pictures also reminded him how much he loved her and he didn't want to put her in any more pain. He needed to do this.