Allie - The teenage years of Alexander Horten

September 13-19, 2015

I was not even teased when mom came to the school in a panic and told me that I needed to have that pink tablet. Parents can be so embarrassing. Under normal circumstances, I would be called a mommas boy or something like that. Everyone just looked at me with a sad face. They thought it was a pill because I was dying.

On the way home, Bella talked about how strange parents can be. I like Bella. She does not care what others think of her. She does not care that she has few friends. Bella has a heart of gold. There is some mystery concerning Bella. As we said goodbye, she told me that she wished that I would not cut my hair.

Tonight, I started putting the girl's clothes I had not hidden in a plastic bag. Mrs. Murphey was right. God created me a boy! He had a plan for me.

September 16, 2015
Wednesday
Dear Diary

Today, things got back to normal. Someone from my class spoke with Sarah and told her that it must be so hard that I was very sick. Sarah told them that I was not sick. I wore diapers in bed because I wet the bed. This shocked so many people, as besides being a sissy, I now wet the bed. They also thought that it was so bad of me to lie about being sick.

I should be mad at Sarah. However, she is not to blame. She told the truth. It was me that did something wrong.

I was ignored. Even my best friend Andrew ignored me. After school. Bella told me that she wanted to walk home alone.

When I came home, Mom hugged me and told me she heard about what was happening at school. She sighed and said that the teenage years are so hard. She suggested that I relax and listen to the music that the doctor gave me.

I listened to music thinking I should use this time to finish packing the girl clothes. The music did relax me and I remember what Bella said about not cutting my hair. In a way she was right. It was part of my identity and I liked long hair. I shouldn't care if I looked like a girl. Who decided how a boy and girl should look and act anyway? I was a girl for a few weeks in Greece and I loved it. I was happy and I never was noticed so much. God could have made a mistake and gave me the wrong body! If I was meant to be a girl, should I ignore it?

September 17, 2015
Thursday
Dear Diary

Today I went to the doctor. She was a bit disappointed in seeing me in boy's clothes. I told her that I packed all my girl clothes and knew that I had a boy's body. I admitted to her that I like being a girl for two weeks in Greece. When I wore girl clothes, no one could see that I was a boy. It was fun to try. However since I came home, things have been very hard. I was bullied at school for being a sissy.

I also told her that everyone was telling me if I was a boy or a girl. This was confusing as I was sure no other boy at the school had to listen to things like this. I just wished people would stop and let me be who I was. If this meant I considered myself a boy, they should accept it and if this meant that I was transgender, they should accept it.

The doctor gave me that shot once again and it hurt! As she was giving it to me, she asked if I wanted my hair cut. I looked at mom and said just a small bit. I still wanted long hair as I liked it. Mom sighed and mumbled something about teenagers.

The doctor told me she could understand the confusion I had and how people were. She reminded me to listen to music she gave me and she would find other ways to help me.

September 18, 2015
Friday
Dear Diary

I was ignored again at school. Even Bella and Andrew ignored me. There were some comments that they could hardly see that my hair was cut. Then they just called it another one of my lies. I hated being called a liar! I knew now that I would never lie again. Would I ever be forgiven?

When I was home, I tried speaking with Sarah. She was still mad at me. She was drawing a picture. I looked at it. It was our family holding hands. The thing was that Sarah drew me as a girl, wearing the same dress she had. Then it hit me like lightning. Sarah liked it when I was her sister. She missed her sister!

September 19, 2015
Saturday
Dear Diary

Today we visited my aunt. Dad and Brian did not come. I joked to mom that we should take some bread with us with a file inside it. Needless to say, mom did not understand my humor.

Aunty was very quiet and so were we. I guessed that aunty had so much shame that she did not know what to say. What would mom say to a woman that tried to kill her? So we sat there until the time was up.

Mom promised that we would come again. Aunty looked at me and said that she hoped that I would visit her again.

To be continued