Choice's Curse {d.m.}

Loss and Oddity

The first Monday of second term was cold, gray, and bleak, which, incidentally enough, was perfectly fitting for the mood that I was in. I woke up with the left side of my face aching, and there was a hollowness in my chest that I knew was a result of Harry and Ginny's actions from yesterday. As I lay still in my bed, listening to the soft rustle of fabric as Cho and Luna started to get ready for the day, I cursed myself for even letting myself consider the idea that Harry would actually want to be with me. I, apparently, had lost all my sense as soon as a boy showed interest in me, and though I was angry at Harry, and rightfully so, I was almost more angry with myself for the way that I let him in and how I was vulnerable with him.

I tried to tell myself it was okay that I had started to have feelings for someone for the first time in my life, but the small, obnoxious voice in my head whispered that it wasn't and that I should've known that he would pull away as soon as I wanted to commit. It was this awful, constant struggle between allowing myself to be vulnerable with someone and wanting to shut anyone out who got too close, and at this point, I genuinely didn't know which I wanted to do more.

The bleak winter sun that peaked through the window next to my bed told me that I'd better get moving if I wanted breakfast, so I hauled my tired, heavy body out of my warm bed and began slipping on warmer day clothes, replacing my pajama top and bottom with my heavier school uniform, taking only a few moments to adjust my hair into a bun before heading down to the Great Hall. As I went to exit the dormitory, Cho caught up to me and asked if she could walk down with me. I only nodded in reply, and we made our way out of the Ravenclaw tower and down toward the hall.

There were a few moments of silence before Cho's light voice began speaking. "Elaine, your eye..."

Her question was unsaid, but I knew what it was. "Yeah. It's fine, though. I don't live there anymore."

"What?" She exclaimed. "What do you mean?"

I shrugged. "My father kicked me out, but it's really okay. I honestly don't feel like talking about it right now, if that's okay."

She pursed her lips, but nodded. "And about Harry...:"

I stopped her. "Again, Cho, I really don't have the energy right now. Can we just talk about it later?" I knew my voice sounded tired, almost as exhausted as I felt.

Again, she looked like she was going to protest, but thankfully thought better of it, and we continued our comfortable silence during the last remains of the walk to breakfast. Once we reached the Great Hall, I spotted Harry and Ginny sitting with Ron and Cedric, and Cho started to walk towards them, but froze after seeing the pained look on my face that I tried to hide.

"You know what? Let's sit somewhere else this morning. I don't really feel like talking," Cho offered, though I saw her cast a longing look at her boyfriend, and I shook my head.

"It's alright. I wanted to study before Transfiguration anyways, so I'll probably just grab a quick bite to eat and then head up to the library," I lied. I did appreciate her offer, but the situation was messy enough without anyone taking sides or choosing me or Harry over the other.

Cho hesitated. "Alright, but let's eat dinner together then. I want to catch up about break!" She said, offering me a warm smile.

I smiled back as she kissed my cheek and sauntered off to the little group sitting near one of the raging fires lining the walls, my heart twisting as I saw Harry brush a stray piece of hair off Ginny's freckled cheek.

God, this was going to be hard.

I figured since I told Cho I was going to study, I might as well, so after I ate a few bites of oatmeal and downed an apple, I wandered up to the library, finding a quiet corner to sit at until my classes began for the day. It was a futile effort, as my brain insisted on thinking about anything but the ancient book open in front of me, but I enjoyed the bit of silence before the day and before the unavoidable barrage of questions I knew I would receive about my eye. My shoulders slumped as I thought about the strenuous effort of explaining to every single person the cause of the bruise, and I sighed heavily, resting my head in my hands and staying like that until it was time to make my way to Transfiguration.