Luminous • Jisung

19 • Better

"No," she said quickly. "You can stay."

Jisung smiled at her phrasing, now looking ahead at the city in front of him.
"Alright." He glimpsed at Cho-a for a second. "So, why are you alone on a rooftop, crying all miserably?"

The girl rolled her eyes, then looked ahead just like the boy did.
"I am not miserable."

"Eh," Jisung breathed, doubtfully. "That's not the point anyway."

So it grew a little quieter again whilst Jisung waited for Cho-a to talk and Cho-a waited for the right words to find her.

It just felt like, at this point, she had so much to say that it was hard to sum it all up.

With her hands in her lap, thumb moving over her thigh soothingly, she inhaled deeply.

"There's something that has been on my mind for a while." Her tone was so soft, it seemed to flow away alongside the soft breeze that passed over the two. "Renjun said it a few times when we were younger."

Jisung looked at the girl from the corner of his eyes. Her unsteady voice matched her expression and posture. She looked fragile. It was an odd sight.

"I am still wondering if he was right," her voice got smaller as she talked, "when he said that things would be better if I weren't alive."

"What?" Jisung didn't wait a second to think about properly phrasing his thoughts. He just turned his head, eyes wide. "He said that?"

Cho-a just nodded. Jisung's surprised expression turned disgusted.
"Fucking idiot," he muttered. "I will beat him up for that later-"

"What? No-"

Jisung pushed his neck back a little. Almost patiently waiting for whatever kind of explanation Cho-a had prepared to defend Renjun.

"It was a long time ago, I was still little back then," she reasoned, causing Jisung to frown more.

"So you are telling me it's okay because he didn't say it to a teenager but to a child?"

"I-"

She got silent. Jisung nodded.
"That's what I thought," he said, proud of himself, not very proud of Renjun nor Cho-a. "I'm curious though. Why did he say that? You are close now."

They grew closer for sure. Although, back then, she never would've thought that was possible.

The thought made her happy, even though it also hurt. It hurt knowing she was so close to someone that had felt so much pain because of her.

"Someone very close to him died because of me." Her sombre mood felt weird to Jisung. He wasn't used to her being like this. "People keep getting hurt because of me."

The boy hummed thoughtfully, stemmed his hands into the ground behind him and let his body fall back a bit. His gaze shifted up to watch the sky and the stars in it.

They seemed so bright tonight.

"That's quite the negative way to look at it."

Cho-a panted amusedly.
"How am I supposed to look at it then?"

Jisung rolled his head to the side, let it rest on his shoulder as he looked at the girl.
"Just don't think about it so much," he said simply, making eye-contact with Cho-a. "It doesn't even make sense to blame yourself for things others do."

"And if they do them because of me?"

He shrugged a little.
"Did you tell anyone to kill or hurt someone?"

Cho-a frowned.
"Of course not."

"There you go," Jisung said proudly, yet spotted the doubtful look in the girl's eyes. He sighed, knowing she wasn't convinced.

He was unsure of what to do. He wasn't an overly emotional person. He didn't like going in-depth about personal matters.

It bothered him that her being upset made him curious; made him a little upset too.

So he rolled his eyes, looked away.

"My father was a shitty person," he admitted, spotting Cho-a's sympathetic gaze from the corner of his eyes. "A lot of people hated him. I get that - I hate him too. But a few of those people blame me for the things he did."

"That's dumb," the girl blurted out at which Jisung raised a brow.

He smiled.
"There you go."

Cho-a looked at Jisung and Jisung looked back at her. There was a light smile on her face from the things he said and the way he put it all.

Rolling her eyes, she stared off into the distance.
"I didn't know you could be so caring and gentle."

"Cause it's bothersome," he sighed, yet the smile stayed on both of their faces.

Cho-a hummed.
"Thanks then."

Jisung didn't reply to that. He just sat there and watched the night live hectically in front, underneath, all around them.

It was peaceful now.

"By the way," the girl spoke with curiosity. "Why did you even come here?"

"Kun and Renjun went to look for you but they didn't know where you could be so I offered to help. I promised to look out for you after all."

Cho-a nodded and continued to watch the scenery before her just like Jisung did. It was beautiful.

Quiet.

Calm.

"If you are so worried about them and me," Jisung said suddenly, a short pause before putting himself into the mix of people Cho-a cared enough for to worry about them, and glimpsed at her. She looked back at him, her eyes sparkling beautifully. "Then let's just stick together."

"Really?"

"Mhm," he hummed and watched contently as her eyes lit up a little more.

She smiled, softly, cutely, warmly now. And Jisung couldn't help but smile back.

• Better •

This chapter is kinda long (compared to the others) whoops-

I hope you enjoyed reading though!

Stay safe, ily 💚