I.L.Y. - A MewGulf AU

Chapter 11: The truth

“You’re not, I’m here. I’m with you,” Mew said and oh, how much Gulf wanted to believe these words. But he couldn’t. Because even though the man was here right now, holding his hand so sweetly, he would leave him without a doubt for his Gulf. For the real Gulf.

Why am I calling him real? Am I really accepting myself to just be a fake?

…

I guess I am.

More tears started falling, until he felt himself pulled into a hug. He pushed the man away, scared of his own feelings and heart, but Mew didn’t budge.

“You’re doing great, N’Gulf, perfect even,” Mew whispered in his ear, and it went straight to his heart.

Don’t say that! Don’t do this to me!

He tried escaping once again, hitting Mew’s back continuously like a young child, but to no avail. Eventually he gave up, lowering his face on Mew’s shoulder as he let the tears take free reign. Hiccups started forming in his throat, until he felt his legs give up. All strength left him as he gave himself up to his feelings.

Mew was there to catch him, swiftly moving them to the couch. He kept whispering quiet encouraging words in his ear as he tried to shush the younger, his hand caressing his back.

“Y’know,” the older husband suddenly started after Gulf’s sobs quiet down. The younger didn’t answer, basking in the warmth of the embrace. “The day you woke up next to me, I was going to end it all,” his voice was soft, but his words hit hard. Gulf still didn’t move, instead making a small noise to indicate he was listening. It was a broken and sad noise. He had calmed down somewhat now, and the noise reminded him of his earlier burst of anger. He suddenly felt embarrassed, hugging Mew closer as if that would hide this feeling.

“I’d woken up that day, planning to break up with my Gulf,” there was no emotion in Mew’s voice as he said this. Gulf suddenly felt cold. He’d planned to break up with Gulf? But… Why? It had been the day of their wedding anniversary as well. Suddenly he remembered what the man had said to him that morning again. The words had been haunting him since then, and now he finally knew why.

‘Are you trying to avoid talking about our marriage?’

Indeed, those were the words Mew had accused him of at first, when he hadn’t believed Gulf. But why exactly did he plan to break up? Gulf couldn’t understand the man in front of him. His marriage was a happy one, right? Then, Gulf remembered how Mew had kissed another man, and how he had told him about it not so long ago. Is that why? Because he has another lover?

“Why?” Gulf asked, for the second time that afternoon. This time he felt the need to elaborate. “You have a happy marriage, why would you want to put a stop to it?”

Mew sighed, loosening his grip on Gulf and pulling back out of the hug. Gulf felt the need to pout but tried to put on an emotionless face instead.

“It’s… complicated,” Mew said, still not looking at Gulf as he said this.

The younger couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “That’s the most typical and lamest excuse I’ve ever heard,” he half scolded the older husband. This made Mew look up to him, one side of his mouth raised in amusement at the tone of his nong.

“It’s really not that simple though,” Mew reasoned. Gulf looked the man straight in his face. He felt the need to put his own hands on Mew’s cheeks so he could direct his stare towards him as well but didn’t dare to actually do it.

“P’Meewwww,” he lengthened his husbands name. “Is it because of the person you kissed? Do you love someone else?” Mew had a weird emotion on his face as he asked this, only confusing Gulf more.