Draft version - Russian Roulette - Family secrets

Ch. 55: I'm ready. I want this

Bedroom 10 AM.

He might as well have told her to be horny too.

"Any wishes? I mean sexy outfits, hair, makeup?"
"I'm not buying a catalogue bride here, just come as you're most comfortable," he gritted out irritably. "It's you I want to come to me not some dolled up unrealistic fantasy. I'd want you whichever way you look and feel ok with."
"I'm sorry," she whispered and drew back from the anger radiating from him.
"Malyshka," he sighed and cupped her cheek. "Are you ready for this step? I can wait if you're not."

"I'm ready. I want this."

Over with.

I want this over with.

He almost heard her say it even if she did not. It clenched his heart not to mention his balls what he was about to say to her. "I think we should wait."
"No!"
"We've been through this. I'm not going to fucking rape you, Mackenzie. If I wanted to pop my cock into something cold and indifferent, I'd buy a pudding or some shit."

Why was she always so damn difficult?

"I want you to want me as badly as I want you and I'd rather wait than have you cold and disassociated while I touch you."
Mackenzie shook her head. "I want you!" she blurted out. "I'm just nervous, ok? I want you."

Skeptical was not the word.

"I'm not sure about this, I'll be honest with you. If you say you're ready, I'll believe you. But I'm stopping if you freeze up on me like that night in the alley. I meant what I said. I'm not going to harm you, if you're not with me there in the moment, I'm calling it off."

He was serious. Gareth would call it off if she did not respond, that was the part she was most afraid of. Mackenzie wanted him, she would never be able to explain to him how much she wanted to be the woman he was longing for, but her reactions she had no control over.

If she froze up again, he would be angry and disappointed, not with her but with himself believing he had forced her into something she was not ready for. How was she to explain to him that that would be a possibility if he waited a decade before touching her?

It was now or never and now sounded so much better to her.

"Ok, Gareth. 10 AM Saturday. Please confirm one last time that we have a deal and you're accepting that I'm doing this because I'm ready."

Not liking how she made it sound like a business transaction he understood that it was her way of speaking his language. Confirming the deal and her willingness in terms he would use normally. Still, it didn't sound like her words. She was emotional and feisty, not this unfeeling.

"I need to ask you something before I accept. And I want an honest answer."

That was not what she had expected. What could he possibly need to know? Whatever it was, she was in no doubt that her answer would be the drop that tipped the scale for him to accept or decline the deal.

"Ok?"
"Are you going through with this deal because I trapped you into it and you know that when it's over, you can ask me to stay away from you and I can't do jack shit about it other than respect your wishes?"

His nervous habit of running his fingers through his hair was upped by him grabbing it and pulling it slightly too in desperation.

"I want to believe the last few weeks meant something and you saying you needed to sort some things out, I still hold on to that hope. I'm ready to wait for that even after, but I need to know if you still hold on to your original statement of us not having a chance."