A Pinch of Cinnamon

Apologies

Fuck! Did Spencer see it?! She must know I'd never do that to her. She's the only woman I could ever see in my life.

But where was she?

I quickly press her contact to call her, but it goes to voicemail.

I text her.

Baby, where are you? Are you okay?

I wait a few minutes before trying again.

Baby, I'm so sorry. Please reply.

Another few, tense minutes go by. Though it felt more like an hour.

At your parents. Had to pick up Jayden. Your mom had us stay for dinner.

My shoulders sagged in relief knowing she was okay. Then guilt and embarrassment flood my body completely shattering the relief I was just feeling.

I forgot I was picking up Jayden.

Jesus, what is wrong with me?! I rub my hands down my face wearily. What kind of man forgets to pick up his kid?

I feel awful. I don't know what I can do to make it up to them. Not even that, but I forced Spencer into driving because I decided to have a tantrum! She had no way of even contacting me should she have wanted or needed to.

My phone dings.

On our way home.

Drive safe. I love you so much. I reply instantly.

I needed her to know.

I know Spencer. Most likely she was eating herself alive with negative thoughts because I left. She needs to know I love her no matter what. I'm going to have to make it up even more to her if she saw those texts from Lucinda.

I keep myself occupied by doing the dishes and cleaning around the house until I hear her car pull in the drive. I force myself to keep from running out and sweeping her into my arms. She's probably pissed at me. I can feel my stomach churning with nerves.

Jayden comes sprinting through the door first.

"Daddy!"

I scoop him into my arms. "Hey buddy! Did you have fun with Pops and Nan?" Jay has been calling my mom Nana now. It is adorable and she cried hysterically. I may have laughed at her....and videotaped it.

"Yup. I missed you." I can see Spencer walk in from the corner of my eye. She looks beat down and exhausted. Her shoulders were slumped, a disheartened look on her face. She looked broken.

I feel ten times worse just seeing her. How could I have snapped at and stormed out on this goddess before me?

"I missed you too bud! Mommy too." I glance at Spence who smiles weakly in return.

Jayden lets out a large yawn and I can see the exhaustion wash over him.

"Why don't we go wash up for bed, little man." I carry him upstairs and start his bedtime routine, hearing Spencer follow us. We never let Jayden go to bed without both of us saying goodnight.

Jayden and I play with his boats in the tub for a good half hour before I take him out to dry him off. He picks him jammies for the night, and I tuck him in.

"Daddy."

"What's up?"

"I love you." My heart blooms with his words. He really is the most amazing little guy.

"I love you too, little man." I kiss his forehead. "Mom will be in shortly to say goodnight."

I find Spencer collapsed into the bed, curled in a ball. Her hair wet from showering. My mood sours a little, noticing I missed our shower together. But I knew we both needed to talk first.

I walk over and gently brush her damp hair back. Her emerald eyes drift open. "He's all tucked in and ready for his goodnight kiss."

I help her sit up and she pads softly to Jayden's room. It always amazes me how quiet she can still be with a clunky cast on her leg.

I sit on the bed and lean back against the headboard. A few minutes later, she returns. She crawls up the bed and surprises me by wrapping her arms around my waist, cuddling right up and laying her head on my chest.

I hug her tightly, not wanting to let her go even for a second.

"I'm sorry." She mumbles into my shirt. Why is she apologizing? I was the ass.

"It's my fault baby. I'm so sorry for leaving like that. I don't know why I did it. I was just tired of arguing and I handled it very badly."

"I shouldn't have yelled at you." She sniffles.

"I know I was annoying and frustrating you. It's okay."

"It's not okay. I'm horrible at relationships and this just proves it." Did she really think that? So far, she's been amazing. I know she doesn't have much relationship experience, and her last one was dysfunctional, but she has no reason to say she sucks at relationships.

"Look at me, Spence." I tilt her chin up when she refuses to meet my eyes.

"Every couple fights. No matter how much you love each other, it's bound to happen. But it doesn't mean that you're bad at relationships or that we don't love each other anymore. There will be times when I'm annoyed with you or you are annoyed with me. We just need to work to communicate clearly and without anger." I kiss her lips softly, happy that she doesn't pull from my embrace. "You are the most important person in my life besides Jay. I love you with all my soul and I will never leave you."

"I'll try harder to speak without snapping. I'm sorry, Nick." She kisses my chest.

"I know you are. I'm sorry for how I handled everything. I'm just petrified of losing you. I guess I thought if you weren't around the animals, then you wouldn't get hurt. It's my fault you got hurt in the first place. If I had been there, I could have protected you." I squeeze her tighter against me.

"What? Nick you can't blame yourself! It was not your fault in any way whatsoever." She stares at me in shock.

"I wasn't there for you." I mumble, trying not to relive the terror I felt seeing her lying on the ground bloody and unconscious.

Spencer rises up to her knees as best she can in her cast and takes my face in her hands.

"It is not your fault. I asked you to run errands. I'm the one who didn't wait for extra help. I thought it would be easy. I could back the trailer up and open the door and he could just walk out. I wasn't paying attention to him when I was closing the trailer door again. It is my fault and only mine. You can't blame yourself for this." She brushes her fingers across my cheek bones before capturing my lips with hers.

She pulls back before the kiss turns too heated. "Nick, I wish you had told me sooner you felt like this. I guess our communication really does need work." She chuckles. "I'm sorry for today. I love you so much."

I sigh in relief. "I love you too. I will try and work harder at communicating clearly and not flying off the handle. We good?"

She curls back into me. "We're good."

I quickly take of my shirt and pants before crawling under the covers. As soon as we are situated, she snuggles right back into my arms. Exactly where she is meant to be. We switch off the lights and start to drift off.

I was almost asleep when Spencer mumbles.

"By the way, did you get Lucinda's messages?" My eyes immediately snap open.

Shit.