illicit affairs | ethma

fifteen

Emma
Spring Break

"I can't believe you're already at the six month mark," my mom said as I sat next to her.

I made it a point to visit my parents as much as possible. In fact, I often went to their house after school to do homework.

"I know. She's gonna be here faster than it feels like."

"Have you talked with Ethan about her name yet?"

"Not really. I've been thinking about it a lot though. I just want her to have a name that suits her."

"It took your dad and I a while to think of your name. But here you are. Our Emma."

I smiled, looking down at the chicken nachos in front of me. "It does suit me pretty well, doesn't it?"

"It does, sweetie."

After I finished my food and my homework, I packed up my back pack and gave a hug goodbye to my mother. My dad wasn't home from work yet.

I drove back to my apartment, and Ethan was sitting at the counter when I got there.

"Hey, Em."

"Hey," I said, putting my keys in the key tray on the counter.

"How's Sophia?"

"She's good," I said, looking down at my small baby bump. I mean, it was growing bigger everyday, but the baby was gonna be a tiny little thing. "Have you thought of any names for the baby?"

"Um, I was looking at some. I wrote a few down.," he said. I sat down in the chair next to Ethan's as he pulled his phone from his back pocket. "I wrote down Addison, Evie, Kenzie, Cailynn, and Elle."

"I really like Addison, but Evie and Elle are adorable too."

"If we name her Addison, her middle name could be Elle."

"Addison Elle Dolan," I said to myself, trying to imagine how the name sounds.

"We're giving her my last name?" Ethan asked.

"Of course. Why wouldn't we?"

Ethan shrugged. "I don't know. I just thought that maybe since we aren't together, you'd want her to have your last name."

"That doesn't mean she's not your child too, Ethan. You deserve to give her your last name."

Ethan gave me a small smile. "Thanks, Em."

"So, are we agreed on Addison?"

"Yeah. I think that's a good name for her."

"We can call her Addie."

"Addie Elle. Gosh, I can't wait to meet her."

I smiled, placing my hand on my belly. "Me too."

My phone started ringing, and Cole was FaceTiming me, so I got up and went to sit on the couch before I answered.

"Hey, Cole."

"Hey, babe. How are you feeling?"

"Good. I miss you."

He was in Florida with his cousins and grandparents for spring break.

"I miss you too. I'll be back on Friday though. It's too bad that you couldn't come with us."

"I'm too pregnant to fly."

The airline's rule was that you can't fly after 24 weeks when you're pregnant. I'm 25 weeks right now.

"I know, baby," Cole said.

"Wanna stay the night on Friday?"

"Sure. Yeah. We can go on a date."

"I like the sound of that."

Cole and I just reached the six month mark of our relationship. The longest I've ever been with someday.

Although I did feel like I was with Ethan a lot longer than I actually was because of how close we were before we dated.

"Awesome," Cole said. "I can't wait to see you."

I smiled. "Me too. Have fun, okay?"

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too."

"Bye, Emma."

I smiled as I hung up the phone, and a few minutes later, Ethan came to sit down on the other side of the couch.

Honestly, he's been acting kind of down lately, and I don't know if it's because of me, or if he's just stressed about something else.

He's been a lot quieter than normal, almost as if he's thinking too much.

"You okay?" I ask.

Ethan was staring at the tv, but I don't think he was paying attention to it.

He was thinking again.

"Did you say something?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm good."

"Are you sure? You seem down."

"You must know me too well."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong."

"Tell me. You're being too quiet to be okay."

"I just have a lot going on with school. That's all."

I don't believe that for a second, but if he's not gonna tell me, I'm not going to pry too much.

It's silent for a few moments as we both turned our attention to the quiet baseball game on tv. The Detroit Tigers were playing the Chicago White Sox, so it was a pretty important game where we live.

Still, I couldn't stop thinking about Ethan being upset. Why wouldn't he tell me what's going on?

We used to tell each other everything. I still tell him a lot of things.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?"

He didn't even look at me after I said that. He just stared at the tv.

"I know," he said.

"Seriously. You can talk to me about anything."

Ethan sighed, sitting up and putting his elbows on his knees. "I would, but it's not something I think I should tell you."

"Why?"

"Because I respect your relationship," he said. Then he got up, went to his room and shut the door behind him.

Even though it's spring, and it's warm outside, I was craving hot chocolate. So, I made myself a mug and turned the tv off before I went into my own room.

I settled into my bed with my hot chocolate and my laptop, and I finished some school work that I had to do. We were doing a research paper in English, and it was going to be due the week after spring break, so I was working on it.

I finished my hot chocolate, put the mug in the dishwasher, and then I got ready for bed.

Lately I've been lying awake at night because that's when the baby likes to kick. It's like she enjoys the quiet of the world when it's dark outside, and everything's calm. It's like she knows it's her time to shine.

As I laid there tonight, I wondered if Ethan was okay.

My gut told me that if he wasn't okay, it was because he's still in love with me, but I'm still with Cole.

As I finally fell asleep, I realized that I have never felt so torn in my entire life.