What If

The Birthday

The day after Percy died, I conducted a ritual. Every day, I wake up and try to eat some breakfast. I usually fail. Then, at ten o'clock, I walk to the woods to pick the nicest flower I can find from the garden Persephone and Demeter gave us. They are lotus flowers, in honor of the first quest Percy and I had gone on together, and they are the exact colour of his eyes, to honor him even in death. They never died or wilted, even when taken from that special pool in the woods. After choosing the flower for the day, I walk to Percy's cabin, to the saltwater fountain, and place the flower in the water. My own personal tribute. Each day, I take the flower from the previous morning, replace it with the new one, bring the old one out to his grave, and the one that I replace at the grave I take to the canoe lake. I stand in the water, bend down and let the water carry the flower away from shore. If I watched it long enough, I would see the delicate flower sink beneath the waves, and somehow I know that it's Poseidon collecting them for himself, as his own way of honouring his son. I'm happy that Poseidon and I share the same love for Percy. After placing the flower in the lake, I return to the cabin, sit at the small piano, and begin playing a short song that encapsulated how I felt about him and I. This happens every single day, without fail. Everyone at Camp knows what I'm doing, and has enough respect to let me do it in peace.

Today though... today all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry until my body was dried out. But I forced myself to replace the flowers, to send the old one into the lake. I watched until it sank beneath the waves, then trudged back to the cabin and sat on the piano bench. I glanced to his bedside table, where a small shrine had been set up in his honor. It was just pictures of him with his friends, a few of the lotus flowers to make it look nice. There were some candles lit that never went out, and they gave everything a more sombre feeling.

I placed my hands on the keys and began to play the same song that I played every day, but it was more emotional than it had been before. Not only was it one month since he died, but it was my eighteenth birthday, a day that I should have been spending with him. But I continued to play the song.

When the first singing notes arrived, I opened my mouth to sing them, but someone beat me to it.

If I could do it all over, maybe I'd do it different. Maybe I wouldn't be here, in this position. It was his voice. Percy's voice. Most people didn't know this, but Percy had the most beautiful singing voice. It sounded like the sea, like crashing waves and soothing shores. It reminded me of the Sirens every time I heard it, and I never expected to hear it again.

I turned to look behind me, but he wasn't there. Of course he isn't Annabeth, I thought to myself. He's gone, and you just have to accept that. I started the song from the beginning and took a deep breath.

But again, his voice interrupted mine. But this time, I forced myself to keep playing.

If I could do it all over, maybe I'd do it different. Maybe I wouldn't be here, in this position.

"I found you then I lost you. Looking back is torture. And it hurts to know I let you go, you lived right around the corner. And I could've had it all, could've had it all." Then all of a sudden, there was a light touch on my shoulder, and I was harmonizing with the love of my life once more.

"True love, I knew I had it. True love was so hard to find. True love, if I could get it back I'd never let it go this time."

True love.

"It's an inspiration."

True love.

"It was mine all mine."