What If

The Present

When I woke up, my cabin was completely empty. All the beds were made, the curtains were open, and Apollo was mocking me by shining the sun directly through the windows. There was a steaming cup of tea on the table beside my bed with a balloon attached to the handle. I looked up and slowly computed that the balloon said "Happy Birthday" on it. There was a small card leaning against the mug that had the same words on it, no doubt from my cabin-mates. I sighed and shut my eyes tight, trying desperately to keep the tears from falling. My lips trembled but I managed to hold back the tears. I slowly pulled back the covers and got out of bed, though I didn't bother putting the bed together. I knew I would be back there in a short time, and the person doing inspections wouldn't dare giving me a bad mark today. I changed into some comfy clothes, grabbed my cup of tea (without the balloon), and opened the door of the cabin.

Everything looked the same as it always did. The sun was shining brightly, and campers were running around, trying to get to their daily activities. I saw Will Solace teaching some of the newer Apollo kids how to tie a tourniquet, Drew Tanaka was leading pegasus flight lessons, and I could see the horses clearly agitated by all the attention they were getting from the new campers. I saw a pitch-black winged horse in the corner of my vision and I averted my eyes and continued walking. I could see Leo Valdez through the window of the Hephaestus cabin gesturing wildly while talking to Jake Mason, probably about a new crazy project of his.

I walked to the empty dining pavilion, though I knew breakfast was long over. My cabin-mates had let me sleep in, like they knew I would want the day to be as short as possible. I hoped that they'd show mercy on me considering what day it was, so I grabbed a plate and was somewhat pleased when food appeared on it. But when I saw it was pancakes drowned in syrup, my stomach turned over and I dumped it all into the brazier. I didn't dedicate my meal to anyone, because no one deserved my prayers at the moment. I wasn't hungry anymore, so I instead sipped on my tea and stumbled to the Big House, where I hoped Chiron was playing pinochle with Mr. D. But I walked all through the building and around the porch, and I didn't see him anywhere. Probably at archery lessons, I thought to myself. I put down my empty cup of tea and glanced at the clock on the wall, and when I saw the time, I gasped and held back a sob.

I was late.

I dropped the blanket that was wrapped around me and sprinted out of the Big House, past the lava rock wall and into the woods. Once inside, I looked frantically around until I found the water garden that had been planted the month before. There was a special spell on the flowers growing there, to keep all monsters away so as not to trample the delicate stalks. A gift, Demeter had said to me. For what you lost.

I approached cautiously and looked around until I found the prettiest of the flowers, the one that smelled the best and glowed the brightest. I gently plucked it from the water, and held it close to my chest. I could feel my heart thumping in my chest, though for a few moments I felt like I was dying. I was holding a sea green lotus flower, a very special creation from Persephone. For what he gave, she told me. I walked slowly out of the woods and back into the heart of Camp. I knew as I passed the campers that they were stopping their activities to watch me pass, but I didn't care. I just kept walking with my head down. When I finally reached my destination, I looked up from the flower and felt the tears quickly rise. The trident was glowing in the sun, sending rays of light cascading on my face. Almost like a tribute, like it knew what today was. What today meant. I took a deep breath and walked into the Poseidon cabin.

My entire body was shaking and my breath was trembling and the sobs were rising to the surface and there was nothing I could do to stop them. But I kept walking forward, one step at a time despite the tears. I could almost feel his hand on my shoulder, guiding me forward.

Everything looked the way it did every day. The bed wasn't made and the windows were wide open, and the smell of the sea was carried in by a soft breeze. The saltwater fountain was trickling in the corner, the same as it always was, and the hippocampi that Tyson made were still hanging from the ceiling, gently swaying in the breeze. The only thing that was different was the piano in one corner, the small tribute on the desk, and the complete absence of life.

Today marks exactly one month since Percy was murdered, and every day is more painful than the last.