In The Arms Of Danger [Sequel to Make You Mine]

14:

With my fingertips digging into Danny's side, I hold him tighter. Ian has always had an affect on me. Call it fatal attraction, chemistry, hormones or whatever but every time he pulls me to him, I feel my emotions change.

I lose all previous thoughts and before I know it, I'm giving in to him.

“No,” I stay fermented in my resistance. My subtle, dormant state is slowly transforming into aggressive, outspoken, fearless Ava. The medications are slowly wearing off and the old me is steadily rising. The part of myself I almost lost.

“Naive? How was I naive? I mean all I did was-”

“Let him know you're someone I care deeply for,”

“So what? What does he have to do with us?”

Frowning, I scold myself for using that word; us. I need to refrain from using words that make him think I still love him.

But you do still love him, Ava. That's why you didn't do shit but stand there when he slapped you. You were surprised because you thought he was changing.

“Look babe, I'm sorry for acting like a controlling prick.”

“You know I promised never to hurt you again but people fuck up. Can you just forgive me?”

“You can't keep blaming Elaine or your father for your problems,”

“I'm not... Ava I'm-”

It's been two hours since we got home and all we've been doing is arguing. I hate arguing which is one of the many reasons why I'm deciding to call off this wedding and go back home.

“I'm blaming myself,” he confesses.

His eyes remain steadily focused on me. I notice the solemnity in his vocals as he continues gripping his ruffled blonde hair in anguish.

“Self blame is our biggest weakness. It rains down on our minds and pollutes souls; even submerging us in guilt, self pity, and shame.”

My monotonous pitch sends his head straight up. I've gotten his attention, but that doesn't stop me.

“Self blame is like self harm to me because in the end, nothing good comes. You're only damaging yourself more. The pain you get in your stomach after running too long, or the bone aching feeling of your jaw being hit, or even having your innocence taken fades over time.”

“But the moment you keep blaming yourself; overwhelmed in your own depression is the moment you realize it only gets worse. Those awful, agonizing memories mock you until you break all over again. That once dull pink mark from healing is now flared up; it's been awakened. And now you're left back at square one; trying to heal but can't because you're still blaming yourself. It's an endless cycle of demented thoughts and cackling taunting until one day you decide to end it all.”

“But there's something preventing you from doing just that.” I turn away from his saddened eyes and frowning lips, only to be greeted with a reviving sight. My brown orbs land on Danny, still sleeping like an angel.

“Your lucid thoughts mesh into dreams. Sometimes even nightmares. For me, they were nightmares.”

“The dark, twisted shell of your body craves for release. You start to think you actually deserve to be what everyone wants you to be; dead. That's when you embrace death. Because in your dreams you see a different world, maybe one better than the one you're currently stuck in. And the need to be there magnifies. All hopes of feeling better start to rekindle in your heart.”

“That is until you hear the screaming, soul yanking cries pull you from your nightmares. That is when your eyes open to an ocean of blood. The bone chilling fear settles in your already cold veins while a vivid color of scarlet blinds your sight. All of the faces of your friends, loved ones, and innocents flash repeatedly. Already submerging you in deeper insanity.”