This Thing Upon Me [Order The eBook] [Harry Styles]

Chapter 56***

"M'tryin', babe..." It's like he read my thoughts. The minute I heard the pain in his voice, causing it to quaver, I withdrew. When I pulled him up onto his knees to face me, he was tearing up. I hugged him until he stopped shivering and apologized for being so greedy. It was his first time. I needed to take it slow. I hadn't prepared him nearly as much as he had prepared me before my first time. Now I was just eager to get into the habit of preparing him every day, so that the next time would be more tolerable.

He lay down and I gazed at his body, drinking it in like it was the last time I'd ever see it. He was always hiding his erection. I noticed he was wide awake now, and didn't know what to do with himself. He wasn't used to being so exposed. I pulled the sheet over him and lay down on my side, studying his upturned face.

He'd lost weight, so his cheekbones were even more prominent than they usually were. All of his bones really. His wrists, his ribs, his hips, his elbows. We never discussed weight. It was the one topic that was off limits for our late night and early morning discussions. Regardless, to me he was flawless. Like he'd been sculpted painstakingly by someone of divine skill. He was tanned too. Lean and brown, golden almost. His eyes were huge. Deep amber orbs, riveting and heavily fringed. He was unearthly beautiful.

I couldn't keep my hands off him. I was obsessed with his body, especially tonight. And something about his fragility in these recent months as he prepared to receive me made him more perfect in my eyes. Vulnerability in these moments was the biggest turn on; something he'd taught me long ago.

"I want to make love to you the way you make love to me..."

"I know...m'sorry."

"I know it hurts."

"Yeah..." he winced, recalling the pain of a few minutes ago. "I never realized how intense it was though...youh made it seem soh easy."

"It wasn't...but, because it was you—I'm just crazy about you. I just wanted to please you..." he grinned and glanced at me.

"I want to please youh too."

"You have. In so many ways."

"That makes me feel a bit better." He lifted his head and glanced over at me. "Wanna try again?"

"Is that even a question?" he snickered and demanded more lube. I drowned him in it and prepped myself as well. This time he lay on his back atop the pillow and I liked the intimacy it afforded with us being eye-to-eye.

Suddenly, I had a brilliant idea. I adopted the principle of ripping off a Band-Aid, meaning the faster I was inside, the better it'd be for him. Taking it slow was sure to prolong his discomfort. I went for it, and instantaneously that proved false. He let out a sharp gasp and lunged himself off me, punching me in the chest several times.

"Oh sh-t...Z? M'sorry, I'm so sorry..." I croaked, watching him climb to sit on the edge of the bed, infuriated. "Z, I'm a f—king idiot. I'm so sorry!"

"F—k off," he winced. "You're such an idiot, Haz."

"I know..."

"Noh, youh don't know."

"M'sorry..."

"You're so f—kin' big, maan...I don't think youh even realize it." I crawled to him atop the bed and wrapped myself around him from behind, my legs on either side of his. The size difference was stark. "You're huge, Haz...all over. Youh gotta take it easy, babe."

"M'so sorry," I whimpered, imagining his pain. "I didn't mean to hurt you. M'such a f—king moron, Z. I don't even know what I'm doing. I was trying to impress you." He leaned back into me, tossing his head back over my shoulder.