A Piece Of My Soul

Prolouge

21 year old Marilyn Amore

To be...in love. What does it even mean to be in love? It's something I ask myself every day. I've been wondering what it was like since I was seventeen years old. All of my friends were getting boyfriends, and for some reason I couldn't. Nobody wanted me. For awhile, I blamed my kinky hair and dark skin, but my friends looked similar to me, so I knew that wasn't it. I blamed it on my hardheaded tendencies, my stubbornness, and every single of my personality traits. But you had to get to know me to even get a glimpse at who I really was, so that couldn't have been it either. At some point I even blamed my body. Beating myself up for a long time because I didn't have the hips or the breast that the other women around me had. Then I realized I was extraordinarily beautiful no matter what I looked like. Even still, I just couldn't get someone to love me. Love me for me.

"Lyn?" My friend Sauri calls out. I look at her confused.

"You zoned out again." She explains.

I look at her sheepishly. This had been my umpteenth time zoning out today alone. We were supposed to be spending time together, but for some reason, I just couldn't get my mind to stay in one place for long enough. I kept drifting back to thoughts of love and envy. Two feelings I wish didn't even exist.

"What's up with you today?" Sauri asks me.

I shrug, not completely knowing myself.

"I'm sorry, my mind just keeps drifting off on its own." I say taking a sip of my lukewarm tea.

Sauri and I were currently seated at the newest tea bar settled in our little hometown in Iowa. It was a very quaint and homey place. littered with earth tone colors, bamboo, and large leafed plants. Each staff member dressed in a monochromatic uniform of light tan, women with their hair pulled back into low ponytails, and men with caps on to cover their own styles. Light music played lowly as people spoke in soothing voices all around us. This place was obviously going to be a get away full of relaxation for the inhabitants of Ginger City, Iowa.

"I can tell. What's up?" Sauri breaks me from my miscellaneous thoughts once again.

"Nothing..." I begin, but quickly decide against pretending. "Actually, a lot."

"Well tell me." Sauri pushes. She's always been the type of friend to want to hear my thoughts. Maybe because she knows I rarely like to speak up on my own. I need an invitation to vent. It's one of my unhealthy qualities.

"Well, I've just been thinking a lot about...love. About...being in love." I say feeling goofy about speaking on such things.

"Okay, what about it?"

"I've just been thinking about what it's like." I look down towards my hands and notice they're wringing one another. My nervous tick. I've never been fond about sharing the things that are on my mind. That's too personal, and I don't like to get personal. Even with one of my closest friend.

"Oh, Lyn." Sauri empathizes.

"No, don't do that. It's just a thought. I don't feel bad about it or anything." I lie. She knows it's a lie, but she doesn't press it.

"Well being in love is like." She begins. Involuntarily, I lean forward and find myself anticipating her response. "Well, It's like space."

"Elaborate." I say.

"Imagine being a first time astronaut floating through space, and seeing nothing, hearing nothing, and feeling nothing. Suddenly you turn your head and you find the sun. The biggest, brightest, most beautiful star in our universe. To put it simply, it feels just like that. Seeing the sun in space for the first time, but everyday of your life."

"Oh." I say understanding, but not fully. I suppose you'd have to be in love to understand the analogy.

"Well, Florence is waiting for me at home and I told him I'd be back by five thirty, so I'm going head out." Sauri says. She's displaying disappointment, but her ecstatic aura shines right through her facade. She's thrilled to be going home to her fiancé. I can't blame her. I wouldn't want to be near me either, especially when I'm acting like an adolescent child.

"Alright beautiful, I'll see you around." I respond, giving her a quick hug.

"Alright, drive home safely!" She calls before heading towards the cherry wooden double doors.

I attempt to tell the same to her, but before I can, she's already gone.

"Alone again." I say slumping in my chair.

I haven't seen my sister since she started dating Victor, my brothers are both planning a double wedding (a dream they've both had since they were born), and all of my friends are either pregnant or in new relationships. Even my parents left for their anniversary!

I'm definitely going to be alone forever.

I shuffle out of my seat and begin to gather my things to leave, but not without dropping a fifty in the tip jar for the hardworking employees. Stepping out into the blistering cold, a slight shiver goes through my body as I look for my silver Chevy. The streets are quiet as cars drive cautiously along the snow slicked road.

Someone needs to shovel this up.

Ten minutes later, I find myself in my small one bedroom apartment groaning at the smell of my pumpkin spice candle burning on the living room table. A safety hazard, yes, but it truly has its benefits.

I quickly take my outdoor clothing off, and slip into some warm lounge clothes. Hot chocolate crosses my mind, and I rush to the kitchen in attempt to find some of the milky goodness. When it's finally finished, I curl up on my plush sofa and turn on my television, searching for the magic mike movie I prerecorded.

Being single surely has it's perks.