This Is Me Warts And All

Healing

"What we did was wrong Meg I can't and won't defend it and I apologised to Amy for the affair. We both agreed to keep it quiet for her to save face and she told everyone about it on Friday.  Then she tried to hurt your brother's wife to try to get back at Cassie", Alex says to mum.

Mum starts eating again,"No woman deserves what you two did to her and her finding out about your marriage won't be good. Just know I got your back maybe they will leave the village".

"We should throw you guys a party when we get back to celebrate your marriage", says Teddy.

"That's a bit cruel Teddy they'll be rubbing salt in the wound for Amy", says my mum. 

"She'll get over it she has a son to take care of besides right now Cassie's well being and happiness is the only thing that matters". Mum looks at me when Teddy says that deep in thought.

"Did something happened that I don't know about?"

I look at her, "I tried to commit suicide last weekend".

She starts to cry at my words, "And here I'm telling you how you did Amy wrong. Did her outing the affair so publicly make you do it Cassie?"

"There was lots of factors but I felt humiliated and Steve was there and some other stuff happened. I was wrong to have an affair with Alex mum and Amy was entitled to get mad but we made an agreement. Which she broke and don't forget Alex did breakup with her by the time news of the past affair spread".

Mum just kept crying then she comes over to my chair and hugs me while stroking my hair, "I can't believe I almost lost you. You were in so much pain that you thought ending your life was the only option".

"He's still here Meg let's focus on that yeah", says Alex to her.

"I think a party is a great idea my husband deserves to have some fun Peterson style".

Mum stops hugging me then she kiss me on the top of my head and ask Teddy to go for a walk with her.

"You okay Cassie?"

I nod and realise I will be. My phone pings there is a text from Nick saying congratulations and what flavour should the wedding cake be. Alex and I smile at each other even in the mids of a meltdown my mother found time to let the others know what was happening. 

4/7/2020

We're back from Scotland and I had my first session with a counsellor. Thank god Alex well we have the money to go private. I'm wearing my wedding ring and people haven't really noticed. Alex is wearing his as well and our party is this Friday. The Stammers are away from the village thank god.

I'm home alone while Alex is at work when the doorbell rings. I open it to see Natalie and Jamie Smith, Alex's brother and sister on his mother side. I hug them, "What are you guys doing here?"

"Alex told us about the party and we wanted to see if you were okay after everything that happened recently", Jamie says to me.

I know Alex is incredibly close to them and the Adams don't know that yet. I also knows he tells them about everything going on in his life. Which I'm okay with he needs an outlet as well. I know they know about my suicide attempt.

In the three years I've been with Alex we saw them a lot sometimes once or twice a week. With us moving here it's been more phone conversations than visiting. They were in Vegas for my wedding which I loved.

"We've bought Manor House", Jamie tells me.

"It's not for sale", I tell him.

He smiles at me, "Everyone has a price and I didn't want my brother to have to see them now the village knows you're together.  Plus that family is no good".

I say nothing because I don't understand what he means by the last sentence. "It's going to be nice having you guys here and there is enough room in Manor Farm for your two families".

I made tea and we talk some more I thought it would be interesting when they see Elliot Adams again.

Friday

I woke up and went for a jog I started my couch to 5k app today I did a bit of walking and some jogging. I think this will be a good stress reliever for me over the next couple of months. After showering and changing I started looking through some things I had to learn for my job. There was a safeguarding course I had to go on.

The party that night was at the pub because Alex and I didn't want people in our home that wasn't family. The pub was decorated with a congratulations banner and surprisingly a table with presents.

There was everyone from Carol the village gossip to John the village handyman to Teddy there. Mum put a closed for a private party sign on the door. Alex and I got a round of applause when we walked into the pub hand in hand. I didn't understand it I thought a lot of these people hated me for what I did to Amy.

Teddy come up to me and hugs me,"Cassie I watched you struggle to come out of your shell when you first moved here. You convince yourself you could never live a happy life. I watched as you went from an angry youth to the women you're today. Standing here secure in who you're with your husband by your side. I couldn't be more proud of you you may not be mine by blood but I'll always be proud to call you my daughter".

When Teddy finished his speech I realised why so many villagers were here. They were here when it got out I was cutting myself, I was very angry and they were concern I could have done something stupid to myself back then. When it became public knowledge I was self harming.

They were there at the beginning of my journey and many of them like Carol thought it would be a short life for me. They were genuinely happy for me a young woman they once thought might take her life. For the simple reason she felt she was different.

The party was in full swing when Elliot walked in.