Old Me

60 - Dirty Laundry

I climbed in just as Michael was pulling up in his car. He got out and ran to the passenger door.

"Bea, please! Where are you going? I can drive you home, let's talk...please!" he pleaded, banging on the window.

"Drive!" I shouted at the confused and alarmed Lyft driver. He looked like a college student.

He quickly pulled away from the curb and I released a breath I didn't realize I had been holding. 

"Look, I know that it says I want to go to the closest Starbucks, but are you cool with driving down to San Diego? I'll give you a really generous tip," I persuaded the driver.

I watched as he scrunched up his face in doubt. 

"Just forget it," I sighed, sending Michael's calls to voicemail. 

"No, no. It's fine. I'll need you to request it again through the app," he explained as we pulled into the Starbucks parking lot.

"Thank you so much!" I choked out.

I quickly requested another Lyft to my house while continuously ignoring the back to back calls from Michael. 

God, this poor Lyft driver is probably cringing with the crying girl in his backseat. Whatever, its LA, I'm sure he's seen worse.

I tried to stop myself from sobbing, but I was so angry. Every call and text he sent just made me even more infuriated. How long was he going to lie to me? No wonder he didn't want me to meet his father, because then his secret would be out. Vaffanculo!

I couldn't handle the incessant calls and message so I went into my settings and blocked his number.

God, I'm so stupid! And I fucking lost my virginity to him! Oh my god! Fuck!

You're not going to cry over that idiot anymore, Beatrice. 

I clenched my jaw and wiped my face. I spent the rest of the car ride forcing myself to not cry again.

When we pulled up to my house I gave the driver all the cash I had on me for the tip and hopped out. I told myself I would simply say we broke up when my parents asked. But when I entered the house and saw my mom standing on the stairs I absolutely fell apart. 

"Beatrice, what's wrong?" my mom asked alarmed as I ran into her arms sobbing. 

I couldn't talk because I was crying so hard. We sat down on the stairs and she held me until I was breathing normally. 

She pulled my face back and wiped it, "Talk to me, baby. What happened?"

I shook my head, the urge to cry again building in my chest. 

"We broke up. I'm so stupid. I never should have trusted him. Daddy was right, he's just some coglione," I said angrily.

"You're not stupid," she said firmly, holding my cheeks so that I looked into her eyes, "he's the coglione for treating you badly."

I sniffed and nodded. 

"Go clean yourself up. I'll make you something to eat," she smiled.

"Ma, I'm not hungry," I rolled my eyes.

Why do moms always think food fixes everything?

"It'll make you feel better," she said as she stood up, giving me one last look before leaving for the kitchen.

I sat on the stairs for a few more moments, mustering the energy to climb them.

I wished so badly that I could take back the other night. I wish that I had never shared that with him. I wished that I had never gotten so close to him. I wished that I hadn't ignored all those times that he tried to change the subject away from himself. I was naive, thinking that he was just shy or introverted. He knew exactly what he was doing.

I groaned in frustration before standing up and heading to take a shower. 

I grabbed my phone and speaker from my room and opened my music app. I needed something that would get my frustrations out. I searched through my playlists and began to strip. My tattoo caught my eye. 

Great, another thing I should never have shared with him. Now every time I look at it I'm going to think of him.

I shook my head and got into the shower, letting the music get me in the mindset of moving on.

Fuck him. 

When I got out of the shower I noticed that I had several texts from Luke and Ale. 

"For fuck's sake," I groaned with irritation. 

I took a deep breath before unlocking my phone to read them. 

(Ale): I had no idea about Michael's past. I'm really sorry.

(Ale): But I think that you should at least hear him out. It's really not that bad. Luke told me everything

I shook my head, now really angry. Is he fucking serious? Not that bad? He's a convicted felon, who's been lying to me for months!

(Luke): Mikey's really really sorry that he didn't tell you sooner, but it was stupid shit from a long time ago. He's a completely different person. I swear.

(Luke): I know you're mad right now, but please just hear him out before you decide to walk away forever.

I rolled my eyes. A completely different person?  How does lying to your girlfriend make you such a great person? 

I locked my phone and shook my head with anger. I decided to just turn my phone off. I didn't want anyone else to tell me that I needed to give him a chance to explain. He'd had months to tell me the truth and he didn't. Why should I waste any more time on him?