Old Me

58 - Better Man

"Well, one day. But that's beside the point, Bea. I want you to be honest. Are you okay?"

I grumbled to myself staring at our interlocked hands.

"I don't know, I guess I don't regret it because I can't take it back. And...it was really fun. But, I guess I'm just worried about what my parents would think of me if they knew," I admitted softly.

He used his free hand to raise my head so we were looking eye to eye. The corner of his mouth was twitching to smile.

"I'm glad you had fun. And if you don't want to do it again, then we don't have to. You can set the boundary where you want," he said.

I nodded, biting my lip as I tried not to smile. How did I get lucky? What did I do to deserve such a sweet man?

"You know, most guys wouldn't ask these questions," I said.

"And I probably wouldn't have if you'd met me a year or two ago. But, there's something about you. You make me a better man," he smiled, leaning in to peck my lips.

I smiled but kissed him back, running my free hand through his hair.

He chuckled and pulled away after a few moments.

"You just can't get enough can you?" He teased.

I bit my lip, feeling flushed, and shook my head.

God, he made me want to melt.

I didn't want to leave him. I wished we could've ended the night in a sleepover. I could touch him all day and never get bored. It was electrifying.

"You should get inside," he smiled, releasing my hand from his.

I sighed and nodded reluctantly.

"When will I see you again?" I asked trying not to sound too disappointed.

"Hm, maybe Wednesday?" He suggested.

Ugh, that was so far away. I smiled, trying to seem happy about it, and nodded okay.

I collected my purse from the floor and unbuckled my seatbelt reaching for the door.

"Hey," he said softly, grabbing my arm.

I turned around waiting for him to continue.

"I love you," he said smiling.

I involuntarily smiled back, "I love you, too. I'll see you soon."

I exited the car and waved goodbye from the porch before entering the house. I sent a prayer that it wasn't obvious to anyone I had just had sex as I slipped off my shoes by the front door.

"I'm home!" I called out.

"In here," my mom called out from the back of the house.

"Hi mamma, hey Cat," I greeted, leaning against the island counter.

"How was school today?" I asked Cat, trying to push my paranoid thoughts out of my mind.

"Good, we got to help decorate the classroom for Halloween. Tomorrow we get to carve pumpkins during recess if we want," she said enthusiastically.

"Hm, you sure you are doing any learning at school?" I teased.

She scoffed and rolled her eyes dramatically, causing my mom and me to giggle.

"Cat, you've got to go get ready for bed. Put away your coloring," my mom instructed in Italian.

"Guess what happened today, mamma?" I asked, trying not to smile too widely.

"What happened?" she asked as she watched Cat clean up her crayons from the kitchen table.

"I told Michael that I loved him..." I paused for effect, waiting for her reaction.

"Seriously? What'd he say?" she asked wide-eyed.

"He said it back!" I said with excitement, bouncing on the balls of my feet.

"Aw," she sighed, "I'm so happy for you. I told you that you wouldn't regret it."

My face was feeling flushed remembering what happened afterward.

I cleared my throat, "Well, I'm going to go call the girls and tell them the good news. Goodnight ma," I said as I kissed her.

"Goodnight, tesoro."

I ran upstairs and threw myself on my bed as I unlocked my phone to video call Siena and Lucia. I waited anxiously for them to answer and rolled onto my back, staring up at the ceiling.

"Hello?" Siena finally answered.

"Oh my god, I have so much to tell you guys. Let's wait a second for Lucia to join," I said, sitting up and hugging a pillow from beside me.

"Oh my god, you had sex didn't you?" she said raising her eyebrows in shock.

"Shh, just wait," I sighed, giggling to myself.

"Oh for fucks sake! Lucia, answer your damn phone already," Siena said impatiently as if she could hear.

Moments later Lucia's face popped up on the screen.

"Hey Luch," I greeted.

"Enough with the pleasantries, spill already," Siena said with glee.

"Okay okay," I sighed, "Well, first off. We said I love you."

I couldn't stop myself from grinning as they awwed at my announcement.

"And then we might have gone back to his place..." I began.

"You little shit," Lucia said playfully.

"And we...had...sex!" I said as loudly as I dared, fully aware that my parents could eavesdrop outside my door at any moment.

"Oh my god! Our little Beatrice is all grown up!" Siena exclaimed.

"So, did it hurt?" Luch asked.

"Honestly, no...I thought it was supposed to right?" I asked confused.

"He must really know what he's doing..." Siena cooed wiggling her eyebrows.

"Shut up," I scoffed.

"Wow, I can't believe you did it. I was so sure you were going to wait," Lucia added.

"I know, I know. I feel weird now," I admitted.

"Why?" Siena asked.

"I dunno, I just feel like if my parents knew they would be so disappointed in me," I said picking at my comforter nervously.

"Seriously, don't worry about what other people think. What matters is what you think. Do you regret it?" Siena asked.

I thought about it for a moment before responding. 

"Well, no. I mean, I can't take it back so it's not worth regretting."

"Exactly. Besides, it was awesome wasn't it?" Siena added.

"Kinda," I giggled to myself.

"Yeah, well, that's the point," Lucia lectured, "As long as you don't regret it, screw what anyone else thinks. You're an adult, Bea. I think you made a good decision to wait until now. But you're in a committed relationship. You trust him, he trusts you. So there's nothing to be ashamed about."

I nodded, still smiling to myself. 

"Thanks, girls. Well, I'm going to go shower and get in bed. I've got to go to this meeting with my dad tomorrow downtown."

"Alright, I'll talk to you guys later. VVB," Lucia said.

"G'night, VVB," Siena added before I hung up the call.

I sighed and rubbed my cheeks. They were hurting from all the smiling, but I couldn't control it. I was still on cloud nine.