Just Him 18+

chapter 2

you see as much as i wanted to i couldn't run. i knew he would find me and make me feel as though it was my fault for feeling the need to run away. no matter what happened he was always there to tell me how much i ruined everything. even after the fact he never admitted to what he actually did.

//

nick and i were never really a thing but it was a mutually understanding that we were. everyone around us knew that we were and us ourselves understood the situation, but we never really made it a thing. he had me isolated and made me feel as though i was cheating in him for doing it.

i can't begin to describe the horrible things he called me that day.

slut.

whore.

hypocrite.

bitch.

useless.

worthless.

the list could honestly go on for hours if i could remember all of them. lucky this among other nights is burned from my psyche.

however this one wasn't. it may not entirely be about nick but i need you to understand something. this was my life.

my friend. the one from before. jess. she, just like hannah had that fiery red hair. the difference is that i have known jess since she was born. jess was my whole world. jess made me who and how i am today. she gave me confidence and the feeling of being rather sane considering the situation.

maybe it was because she was crazy that made me feel sane. or maybe it was just the familiar feeling she gave me. but the familiar feeling she gave me left as we got older.

just like most broken people, jess came from a broken home. no one blamed her for it and no one expected her to come out like nothing happened because something did happen. it is hard when your dad choses a women over your family. but that isn't what hurts. what hurts is when that same dad rejects you for that same woman that broke your family in the first place. for five years, i watched what used to be my best friend wither away into something i no longer recognized. fixated on rebellion and destroying everything to get the attention she deserved.

jess. i wish i could have been there for you. i knew what happened to you and i wish i could have been there for you, but i wasn't.

truthfully this is the one thing that truly broke my heart more than anything the world. anything that nick did was not nearly as heart breaking than this moment.

**

jesses mom opened the door to their house. my mom had to go home and study for her college so she had already left. she greeted me with the regular hug and offering of food. which i had turned down even though i knew i was hungry. i made my way down the hallway to jesses room. i didn't bother to knock i just walked in and greeted her by yelling "what up bitch!"

she tackles me with a hug even though she just saw me a few days ago. after stating that she missed me she plops on her bed and i can tell that she is upset. i gave her a look and sat next to her. "what did he do this time?" i asked already knowing that her boyfriend did some dumb shit again.

"he said he isn't ready for a relationship yet..." she trails off. i wished that she would give up on these dead beat guys that use her for her body but i couldn't tell her that.

"why? did he give you an explanation?" i asked even though i knew the answer.

jess laid back on her bed. "of course not. he never does." i could tell she was hurting and i wanted to yell at her to give up and just let him go but i knew she wouldn't listen. she then sits up and looks at me. "why didn't you eat?" she asks but she knew the answer already.