Corrupted Love - #Soukoku

Chapter 10 - Odasaku

"Chuuya! Chuuya!!" I shook him, trying to wake him up. I did nullify his ability but something went terribly wrong. He fell unconscious the instant Arahabaki's control left his body, this has never happened. We always make sure that the other is okay, I always talk to him. He lets me know that he's okay. But now...

"Dazai-san, don't be so rough with him," Atsushi-kun told me as he slowly put his hands on my shoulders, trying to distance me from the limp body lying next to me on the cold floor. 

"No, I can't have him dying! I shouldn't have left him, what the hell was I thinking?!" I put my hands in my hair as the regret gnawed into my heart. The fear of him dying made it hard to breathe. I forced myself to take deep breathes to prevent myself from fainting or go hysteric over this stupid mistake. 

"You didn't know." 

"I knew! I knew about his condition, I knew all about it, Atsushi-kun! His ability is killing him..." The thought had crossed my mind a million times over the past few days I spent with Chuuya,  but saying it out loud pained me. There was this odd comforting feeling that if the thought were kept a secret would end up preventing the tragedy from happening.  Now that I've heard myself state the obvious felt too real to handle. 

"But your ability is to nullify abilities," Atsushi-kun desperately told me. 

"I can't turn off his ability when it's not active, it's only breaking him down from the inside and I can't stop that, I tried, I keep trying. I can't. It's not working, I don't know what else to do but I don't want to lose him." I could hear the anxiety in my own voice and I knew that it unsettled the detective agency. I'm never the one without answers, how could I let this happen?

"He'll wake up," Atsushi-kun said. 

"I don't know," I answered, forcing my tears to stay put. I can't break down now. Not in front of them. Not now. I still have to save Chuuya. I put my hand over Chuuya's desperately trying to turn off Corruption from its core, fully aware of its high percentage of failure. "Chuuya, please." I leaned in, whispering the words into his ear, hoping that deep down, he still could hear me. "Chuuya, give me more time to figure this out, you're stronger than that. Chuuya, number one Mafia, the best one at martial arts." I heard my colleagues leave us alone in the office as I sat there with Chuuya. "I couldn't even keep up with your attacks, I never told you that of course but you did great, even after my depart. Chuuya." I squeezed his hand tighter. "I can't handle losing another friend." I heard my voice crack as tears streamed down my cheeks, my hand in Chuuya's as I leaned my head against his chest, crying. How am I supposed to survive without both Odasaku and Chuuya? How am I supposed to keep going now Odasaku? You wanted me to become a good person and here I am, being the reason for another friend's death because I was slow to his rescue, again. 

"Listen. You told me that you might find a reason to live if you lived in a world of violence and bloodshed. You won't find it. You must know that already. Whether you're on the side who kills people or the side who saves people, nothing beyond what you would expect will appear. Nothing in this world can fill that lonely hole you have. You will wander the darkness for eternity. ...Be on the side that saves people. If both sides are the same, become a good man. Save the weak, and protect the orphans. Neither good nor evil means much to you, I know... but that'd make you at least a little bit better. ... Of course, I know. I know better than anyone. Because... I am your friend."

I'm sorry Odasaku, I couldn't keep my promise to you. I wanted to believe you too, that you, of all people, might've been right. Being on the good side doesn't matter when karma is after you. I can never atone for the death I've cause thousands of people. You were the only one who showed me kindness Odasaku, the gods won't show me the same mercy. They keep punishing me. Taking the lives of people I love. It was you at first, now it's Chuuya. It is a given that everything that is worth wanting will be lost the moment I obtain it. There's nothing worth pursuing at the cost of prolonging a life of suffering. What is there to live for now? Odasaku...

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This week's chapter is fairly short but I hope that it's okay :) I didn't want the chapter to get too long, therefore I kept it short to not ruin the content. The next chapter will go back to being the regular length so stay tuned for that.