Letters To Nobody

0.3

0.3

Flashback:

I was crying in the janitors closet. The door suddenly opened and the light poured in. I looked up with my swollen eyes ringed with red and my tear streaked cheeks worried that the girls were back again, with their perfect hair, and money, and clothes, and designer purses to make their mean teasing comments.

"Worthless"

"Useless"

"Unwanted"

"Unneeded"

"Always forgotten"

"Hated"

"No one will ever love you"

"Ugly"

"Disgusting"

I looked up, wincing from the light and ready to handle another barrage of insults.

"...Luke." I murmured breathlessly.

He looked down at me and smiled. "Come on. We're going." He pulled me up by my hand and and led me out the doors of the school building. "Wait... I have class." He just smiled softly and said, "Not anymore."

We went to the car he drove us to school in everyday. The beat up old Mustang shined its lights at us as we approached.

"Hop in," he stated as he revved the engine.

I silently nodded and got in leaning my head against the window. I let the tears softly roll down my cheeks as we drove. As I cried silently Luke drove. When I finally managed to get a grip on myself I wiped my tears away. I started playing with the handle on the glove compartment. It popped open and something fell into my lap. It was a small drawstring bag covered in velvet. I glanced at Luke and pulled it open slightly. Inside was white powder winking mysteriously at me. I swiveled my head towards him.

"What is this?" I hesitated a bit, the fear evident in my voice.

His face paled for a second before giving me a shaky smile. "Well... You know I love sweet tea. But mom only makes unsweet. So it's just some sugar to add in it." He carefully took the bag from me and put in his pocket.

I raised an eyebrow. "Luke... You hate tea. You always have..."

He shrugged with an easy smile. "People change Carbear."

Before I got a chance to ask anything else, we pulled into a diner. I looked up almost in awe.

"Serena's..... You remembered," I said with a small smile.

"Of course. It's your favorite place to eat. Why wouldn't I remember?"

I shook my head, unable to express how much it meant to me that he remembered.

I hopped out of the car happily, the velvet bag forgotten. I wouldn't remember until later about the stuff in the velvet bag. Until it was much too late to do anything about it.

End Of Flashback

Dear Luke,

I saw the girls at school again. They didn't make fun of me this time. They just gave me fake, sad smiles hiding their smirks.

At school everyone's eyes were on me. I hate it. I can feel them all. Watching. Judging. I want to go back to being the forgotten girl in the back of the classroom.

I haven't been doing my work in class. Mr. Springer was worried about me so he recommended that I go to the school counselor.

I don't hate him but I don't love him either. He's not as bad as the therapist. He's heavyset, with a rather large bald spot on his head. His room smells of tobacco and his awful stench. He just asked me questions about myself. He said he wanted to "know me better."

No one has ever tried to do that. It worries me. I sat there staring into space only answering about half of his questions. He hasn't asked me about you yet.

I have to report to his office every lunch period for the next three months. He said "We'll see how it is going after that." He offered to move it to after school if I'd rather have that, so I could still be with my friends. I told him I didn't have any. You were always the popular one though. I realized that I never had a friend before. I never needed one. I had you.

There's a new girl that sits next to me in French class. Her name is Sarah. She's alright. I don't hate her like I do the others. We talked the entire class. As usual Ms. Burns never pays attention, continuing to talk about her miserable life. I didn't talk much. I just listened mostly. Sarah has a little sister and a dog named Munchkin. She invited me over for day to play with her dog and her little sister. This was the first time I didn't cry when someone mentioned a sibling. She called me her best friend. I'm not too sure what that means. Other than you've I've never had a friend before especially a best one. You would know how to answer her. I just nodded and smiled and pretended like I actually knew what she was talking about.

One of your friends keeps bumping into me in the hallway. Today he gave me a smile. His name is Kyle or something, I think. I remember seeing him a few times around our house and at the funeral.

I've started falling behind in my classes. My English teacher says my writing is awful because I have too many run ons and I don't use commas correctly and I say 'and' too much. I don't get it. I mean people can still understand me right? Why does it matter what it looks like?

I still hate you. You should have stayed... For me. I would have done the same for you.

Sarah mentioned a camping trip. It reminded me of when we camped out in our backyard. That was the site of the Great Marshmallow Incident. Mom swears she still smells marshmallow fluff when she walks out there.

She still blames you for Dad, you know. She put your pictures with his in the attic. I crept in last night and rescued all my photos of you. They're in my bottom drawer under my sweatpants though.

I can't think straight anymore. My thoughts jump around.

It's all your fault. Everything.

I want to die....

Goodbye.

Carmen Grace Santiago