broken as i • a kylo ren story

xviii (xxxvii)

"oh gosh ben. you just keep repeating lies after lies after lies. you must face the truth head on and you should stop trying to avoid it." luke said as he ducked. he then put his lightsaber out and the red against green let out a mesmerizing color. "ben, just go back. y/n is already back there probably. do what is right, follow your heart."

that last sentence reminded kylo of what his grandfather, lukes dad- said to him. kylo was once again, conflicted as ever.

he could just go back to base and reunite with you immediately, or he could just kill his uncle first and then reunite with you.

no. this didnt revolve around you. this was about kylo and what he wanted to do. he reminded himself that he had been waiting for this day to come, and missing the opportunity when it is right infront of him would be extremely dumb and immature.

"why should i listen to you?" kylo said.

"because i am knowledgeable. i have wisdom. i have experienced far more things than you have so for."

"you dont know that! you never know, maybe i experienced the exact same amount of things!"

"no, it...just no." luke did a forward roll and stood back up to avoid getting hit. "ben, i am sorry for failing you. i know i did, and i regret that everyday."

"i bet you do. you regret almost killing me, right?" kylo screamed.

"y..yes, of course i do. that was one of my lowest moments of my entire, eventful life. it will forever be one of my greatest mistakes. i thought that doing it would help end your sufferi-"

"bullcrap! you did it because you were scared. you thought...no, you know that i was going to cause pain to you, so you decided to almost slaughter me!"

luke didnt know what to say to him because... well, kylo was right. he did it out of fear, not out of protection. he thought that snoke already got him completely, but he was wrong.

"your mother misses you very much. sh-" after that sentence, kylo lost touch with the galaxy for a bit.

his mother.

he hadnt seen, contacted, or even sensed her in almost...gosh, he hadnt known.

though he would never admit it, he missed her deeply as well. he loved her very much and he would never stop.

kylo zoned back in and focused on luke. it appeared that the man was examining him.

luke noticed how drained kylo looked. this may have been the result of running the first order, you leaving him, the conflict that lived within him, or a mix of all 3. luke wished that his nephew would just stop fighting it and give in, but that just wasnt going to be the case for some time.

kylo decided that this was the perfect time to make the hit, so he aimed his lightsaber right for lukes heart. the old man instinctively used the force to leave kylo without any weapon. kylo growled at this and his cross blade saber suddenly landed back into his hands.

at this point, he was fighting with fury. he was beyond mad, and he was being blinded by rage. all of his anger and pain was being leashed out right in this moment, and kylo couldn't seem to control it.

kylo found a unprotected spot of lukes and made his hit. the older man instantly whined at the deep slice in his leg and this gave kylo time to finish the deed off.

kylo used all his might to stab luke right in the middle of his stomach.

kylo snapped out of his rampage and quickly realized what had just happened. luke was still having trouble processing it, but as he looked down...he knew it was over.

kylo felt a sudden wave of guilt rush over him. he thought that this event would make him feel stronger in a sense, but it only made him weaker- just like when he killed his father.

luke fell to the ground and kylo just stared at the old man. luke attempted to sit up, but he only failed. he got on his elbows and gestured for kylo to come closer. kylo decided to listen since he knew the man was on the verge of death.

luke leaned in and whispered into kylos ear, "ben, you must listen to your heart. if that means loving y/n, so be it. fighting will only make this unnecessarily difficult. i know there is still good in you, and i know that she brings it when she is around. you both love each other deeply, so embrace it." with each word, kylo could feel lukes force fading away. with every word, kylo could feel the regret surfacing. "get away from the darkness and go closer to those you love. may the force be with you-" luke let out a unrecognizable "ben", but kylo knew he said it.

lukes body suddenly disappeared, and all that was left was his clothing. kylo was shocked at what just happened. lukes words keep repeating within his head and it was starting to drive him crazy. he quickly snatched the robe and held onto it tightly while looking down at it.

kylo felt a tear slip, and his brain started to go off.

kylo felt as if he always made the wrong decisions. in the moment, he always thought that he was doing the right thing, but when it was over with- he realized that he wasnt even close to it. that was one of kylos flaws, and it was one of the biggest ones of his.

"im-" kylo couldnt even finish his sentence. he stuffed the clothing into a pocket and walked back to the first order. he wiped away his few tears and walked back into the command shuttle. the force was feeling extremely unbalance, but kylo-unlike others, knew the reason why.

"it is done. we can return back to base." kylo said with barely any emotions. he sat in the back of the control room, thinking about his actions and why he was feeling such sadness when he was the one who looked forward to doing it.

kylo shook his head at the thought of having to see you again. he didn't know how he was going to act right on the spot, but he needed to focus on the mini plan he came up with that he secretly knew wasnt going to work-

to just not see you at all...to just ignore you all together.

   •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

authors note

sad boi hours for reallll but i hope you enjoyed! it is currently 1:47 am rn and i just now finished writing lmaooOoOoO

                                                                      -i.t