Invisible String

Chapter 22 - This is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

I leaned into Alex and cried, but only because I missed him. I understood what my mom said. I got it completely. And he'd said something a lot like that to me before he passed, and that helped. Because it really did feel like somehow he was still here with me. With all of us. And that made the pain not so bad.

Alex had his arm around me, and he kept running his fingers through my hair. I blanked out for some of the other speeches, and instead, I focused on Alex. His fingers, my own rubbing his leg. And my Grandpa. I just thought about him sitting a cloud somewhere, sitting back, and just listening to all the love being spoken about him. He was a humble man, so it probably would've embarrassed him, but somewhere inside, it must feel good to feel that loved.

I noticed Alex's leg vibrating, and I pointed to it, but he shook his head and stared ahead at the speakers. But the ringing wouldn't stop. It went on for thirty seconds, then minutes later, it would start back up again. Every time I looked at Alex, and he shook his head, getting more and more irritated as time passed by, and the calls continued. Finally, he got up and went along the side where we were seated, and ran outside.

It took a long time for him to come back, but in the meantime, my brother held onto my hand. At some point, he turned to me and whispered, "Do you need to go find him?"

I shook my head and whispered back, "I'm right where I need to be."

He smiled, and I leaned my head against his shoulder and listened to my uncle talk about Grandpa. He was telling a funny story about a long time ago when he was a boy, and he and Grandpa were at the park with Uncle Nicholas. It was a happy story and helped to lighten the mood, even if just for a few minutes.

By the time two more people had spoken, Alex came back, his face flushed. "Are you okay?" I asked quietly.

"I'm fine," he nodded towards the altar, "Just keep watching, listening, or whatever."

"Alex," I grabbed his hand and held on to it tightly on his leg. "What's wrong?"

He put his lips to my ear, "We will talk about it later, for now, just remember your grandfather, okay?"

I nodded, and he put his arm around me, pulling me closer against him, then he kissed me on the head.

When the service was over, the men in my family carried the casket to the hearse waiting out front. Our family had a plot of land in a cemetery on the other side of town, so we'd have to follow each other's cars, train-car-style.

Alex and I got into our rental, and before buckling in, I turned to him. "Now, tell me what's going on."

"Hannah, I don't want to do this right now."

"Alex, please, I can't concentrate. You are obviously upset. Just tell me what happened. Who called?"

His jaw clenched again, and shivers spiked through me. He was beyond upset. He was straight up pissed off. He turned his head but didn't look at me.

"It was Heidi."

"But... didn't she know what was going on? Why would she call now? Is something wrong? What happened?" I bombarded him with questions, and he shook his head and punched the steering wheel. "Alex!"

"What?" he screamed at me, and I jumped backward against the car door. He took a few deep breaths in and out, and after a minute, he reached out for my hand, but I pulled away. "Hannah, I'm sorry. I didn't... I'm sorry." He sighed and leaned his head against the steering wheel. "I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to talk about this right now. You don't need this right now."

"Alex, stop trying so hard to protect me. I can handle whatever it is. You just need to be honest with me."

"Jesus, Hannah, it's not like I wasn't ever going to tell you. I was just trying to wait for a better time."

"And what if there was never a better time?"

He looked at me sharply. "Don't, okay. Don't. I don't need this." He gestured to me and looked away again. "I... I wish you would've just let it go for a little while."

"Well, I'm sorry. I get my stubbornness from my grandpa, apparently."

He put his fingers through his hair and leaned his head against the headrest. "Hannah, I don't want to fuck up your day even more than it already is."

"You don't get to decide that."

He turned to look at me. "But I love you."

"And I love you. So please just tell me what's got you this pissed off."

He laughed. "No one can do it like Jaiden fucking Bentley, apparently."

I recoiled. "Jaiden? What... what did he do?"

Alex shook his head and looked away from me again.

"He went on a talk show, and they talked about his career and how he's going to turn everything around and prove everyone wrong."

"Not seeing the bad yet."

"Yeah, that came later in the conversation when the guy asked him about you."

"Me?"

"Yep, and you know what Jaiden said? He said that you lied to protect him and that you two are attracted to each other." Alex turned back to look at me. "And that you and I were never going to last."

"But Alex, that's just... that's stupid. I mean, I don't want him. I want you."

He nodded. "I know. That's what you keep saying."

"Because I mean it, Alex."

"I hope so." He looked away again. "Because he's on his way here to see you."