1st Draft Fridays - A Fistful of ... (#6)

Gateside, Saf

A/N: My apologies for the belated post. I prepped the scene and then forgot to hit "Publish".

———

Saf, the capital city of Salles, is aflame.

Not entirely and not consistently, not like some wildfire's whipped through. There's too much stone for that, anyway. But the smoke and soot fill the air, even the league away where Aidan camps near the Master of Runners, who had recognized him even though Aidan hadn't even known the other man existed.

"It's not that I thought Runners ran themselves," he says to Dakadza, as the montai runs hands along the sides of the two oxen, letting earth magic heal any damage the two animals have taken from their journey. "I just never thought about how they worked. People don't, you know—that's why William became one, after my mother killed his."

Admitting that openly feels strange, and he probably should've told Evonalé first, but—

Saf is imploding, his father's dead, and his mother died years ago. The political reasons for holding his tongue are all gone. And as for personal reasons, William was there, so...

Dakadza's coaxing one ox to let him lift its foreleg, see its hoof. "You notice people to the extent that you find them useful."

Aidan stiffens. Dakadza isn't wrong, but... "I thought I was doing better about that."

At least, he'd thought he did a better job of managing that part of himself. But if this montai's noticed...he hasn't. At all.

Dakadza shrugs. "I lived in Marsdenfel under Leathin. He did the same thing, just made himself learn others' names. It only got obvious when he was around Geddis and Lallie, and that could be mistaken for lovesickness."

Aidan stares at Dakadza. "Leathin was like me?"

"He navigated Lallie into a situation where she felt she had to accept his marriage proposal, to save his life. They didn't even like each other very much."

"I manipulated Evonalé because she loved me!" And he, her. He wouldn't have accepted the ramifications of marrying her, otherwise. Sleeping with one eye figuratively open got old years ago, though fortunately he now just has to listen for would-be assassins, not for his wife to freak out, forgetting who he was, and try to set him on fire.

"And you didn't want to wait years for her to work through her shit—assuming she survived that long on her own." There's no judgement in Dakadza's tone, reminding Aidan more of his mother than of the sister who had actually quit a job working at the castle, years ago when he was a child, in part to get some distance from him. "You're better at paying attention to context than Leathin was, maybe because you have more context. Leathin tended to create situations that even he didn't care for, like when he wed my sister. He should've waited for Geddis—they fit well."

...Who is like Aidan, again? "I thought you and Geddis..."

Dakadza sighs. He sets down the hoof, pats the ox in thanks for cooperating, then rocks back on his heels. "She loved Leathin, you know. I think he loved her, too, as much as he was able to love anyone, and she had to watch him die."

Aidan frowns. "So you..."—'use each other' was too crass, for this conversation—"distract her from her memories?"

"Distract her, show her how she could be treated. I love her enough to appreciate the time I have with her, but I can't keep her happy. I'm pretty sure she's unhappy with me now. But I think we'll still be friends, even after we both have moved on. I recognized going into this that she'd only be my first, that I love her more than she can love me."

Oh. That wasn't like Aidan at all. "You just do things for others, then? Don't you have dreams for yourself?"

Dakadza shrugs. "I want to see Saf."

He'd said that, Aidan remembers belatedly. "Oh."

"Not a good time for it, obviously, though..." He peers towards the city. "If you feel safe enough here, I'd like to go check something."

Aidan brought Dakadza for help hauling the rock, not as a bodyguard. "Go ahead."