Heartbreak Weather

Nothing

I wasn't crying when Put a Little Love on Me came to an end. I was a sobbing mess. My cheeks were covered in tears, even my shirt got soaked. My hands were shaking and my lips trembling as I paused the music and grabbed my phone.

I had to scroll down a lot, I hadn't called this number in ages. When I finally found the name I was looking for, I pressed to call without thinking twice about it. I needed to know. I needed answers and this was the only way I could think of right now to get them.

It started to ring and I nervously bit on my lip while I waited for a response. When someone finally picked up, my hands started to shake again.

"Hailee?" a familiar voice said. I hadn't heard that voice in what felt like forever. I hadn't thought that I would ever hear this voice again.

I let out a shaky breath before I answered: "He didn't cheat on me, did he?"

Julia fell silent for a few seconds, obviously taken aback by my forward question. "No, he didn't," she finally sighed sadly and another sob came out of my mouth.

"Why have you never told me anything?" I wanted to know. I couldn't stop crying.

"Because you never wanted to talk about it" Julia responded and sighed. "Whenever we tried to say something about it, you locked us out. You were so determined to get over him and to forget him, you never realised what was really going on. You hurt him. A lot." she added and I could feel my heart break at her words. I had hurt him. He didn't do anything wrong. It was my fault that we weren't together anymore. It was my fault that he had to go through all those hurtful emotions he was now singing about and it was my own fault that I lost the most important person in my life.

"I'm so stupid" I said out loud, this time without a sob. I just felt numb. Empty. Stupid.

"Are you listening to the album?" Julia asked carefully.

"Yeah" I sighed. "Still a few more to go though. Can't wait to hear him singing how he got over my stupid face."

Julia first didn't respond, then she said: "Just listen to the album. Figure out what you want, try to figure out what he wants. It's pretty obvious to be honest."

"Can't you just tell me?" I begged. I couldn't handle listening to him singing about his broken heart anymore. Not knowing what I knew. That it was my fault. I had always blamed him for not talking about his feelings and dealing with them through songs and I had always thought that in the end this had been one of the reasons why we didn't work out. But that wasn't the case. Even though it was hard for him to talk about emotions, he had tried to do exactly that. For me. For us. But I pushed him away, didn't want to listen to his explanations and left him without even giving him the chance to say something. I had acted against my own principles and now I had to live with the consequences.

"Listen to the album, Hailee," Julia simply said. "Trust me." I nodded, even though she couldn't see me.

After that we hung up and I sank down on the floor in front of my couch. I wasn't sure if I could handle anything more, but I still pressed on play.

-

It's been a few months now since Niall and I broke up and I finally stopped thinking about him on a daily basis. I still thought of him from time to time, but usually it didn't hurt as bad as it did right after the break up.

Today was my birthday and I was eager to spend this day with as many friends as possible to make sure I didn't slip in a bad mood.

Maybe he would even text me. It was my birthday.