Star and its darkness (Book 1 in the Darkness&Brightness series)

26. Mad At Universe

"Bro, why are you like that? C'mon talk to me!" I can't. I'm too fucked up.

"Just drop it. I wanna be alone with these babies." I point to the bottles of whiskey, pulling them closer to me. Empty bottles.

"Bro, you need to stop doing that, seriously. You do this too often."

"Go fly a kite! Leave me alone!", I snapped. I don't need anyone to tell me that, I thought.

"Okay, man, but I don't want you to overdose. I care for you, bro. Seriously", he said and left. Does he really care for me? I think that no one cares for me in this fucking world. Expect darkness that wants me to be its victim.

And then I called one girl and fucked her just because I could. And that is about me wanted to be alone. Truth to be said, I hated to be alone. Because then darkness could contact me and destroy me. And this time, darkness was in the shape of her. And I did it just to forget her. But I couldn't. I only saw her. Her body, her pink locks, her eyes with fear. Her.

She engraved her claws in my skin and I don't know if I could ever get rid of them. Hope I can forget her. That I can erase everything we have done, everything she said. Her. To erase her. I have to. If I want to keep going. If I don't want to break, I have to.

When I left him I couldn't stop crying. My eyes were puffy from all tears. Red. Bloodshot. And it was all his fault.

No, it was yours, my mind scolds me. You let him come closer to you. You let him put his crawls into your damaged skin and let it bleed. So it's your fault. No one else's.

When I came home, it was empty. I was alone. Even when I was surrounded by people I felt alone. Because I actually am alone. I crawled to my bed and fed my pillow with my tears.

Somehow I fell asleep, but of course, that world of nightmares had to kidnap me. I was always their guest. And they were my host. When I woke up I was dripped in my sweat, breathing heavily and shaking. I cursed under my breath and tried to calm myself. I hate when I have a nightmare because I feel like trapped and can't wake up. I try and try, but I can't. I'm trapped in that world of nightmares and I can't escape it. I can't wake up. I'm trapped.

When I'm finally awake I usually don't know where I am. I feel pain in my body I still see blood in my hands and they're still shaking. I'm still in my nightmare. It always takes a while to come back to reality. But when I come back I'm glad that it was just a bad dream. That I'm safe.

Then I heard a knock at the door. Myles opened it.

"Hey, dinner is ready. Hey, are you okay?" He approached me, worry filling his brown eyes. I nodded, pretending like I hadn't had a nightmare about the only person I had in this world, dying.

"Yeah, I'm. I'm not comin'. I'm really tired."

I didn't lie. This was true. I was tired of this life playing with my body and soul like I'm the puppet. Like it's pulling me to Michael even though I know it is going to break me, but I can't control my moves, 'cuz I'm not in control of my life. Someone else is. And I know who that someone is. The devil himself. He found the victim and he is laughing and enjoying this show- my life, my breaking down, my tearing apart. He is laughing while I'm crying. Well, fuck you, devil! Fuck everyone. I just want to lay and close my eyes which are burning and I can't look anymore and sleep forever. To feel no pain, no sorrow, no sadness, no anger. To feel nothing. But that's not what the devil wants. He wants to destroy me and see the show till the end. He is eager to know who my breaking is going to happen. Well, guess what I'm not eager to know. I just know that I'm not going to make it out alive after breaking down.

"You have to eat, Stella", he frowned. Oh, how protective.

"No, I'm good. Just leave me alone." He put a hand on my forehead to see if I'm sick. "I'm good", I repeated, jerking his hand. He then left a room without any more words, but shaking and bowing his head, still worried.

Then I think I fell asleep again. Crying and breaking down always exhaust me. But I felt something. Someone. The person lay next to me and embraced me. I felt safe. I felt their warm hands on my cold skin. I smelled its scent and pretended it was Michael. His strong hands which I won't feel again. He was comforting me, promised that he wouldn't ever hurt me. Those words I won't hear from him ever again. I let myself imagine and fell asleep, trying to dream about something nice. To dream about him. That will be only a dream I wouldn't want to end. That I would be sad if it was finished. That would be the only dream I want to have. To see him again. To feel him again.

NOTE: GOSH! I prepared this chapter last night, but I was so tired to forget to tap publish! 😂! I hope you understand me.
I hope you don't mind 'cuz of lack of dialog. This chapter was about their feeling and fighting their demons. Stay tuned to see if they are going to win their fights!
Ly! ❤️
Hel