Leap of Faith

Day Thirteen

I shrug. If I’m being honest, until last week I hadn’t spoken to a lot of the people I talk to now. Dean Brewer had been in all my English classes since freshman year but until TJ ‘adopted’ me, we’d never spoken a word to each other. The same went for Landon, Zachary and Colton.

We’ve never had reason to be friends before, and if it weren’t for the fact that Georgie and Greyson were dating, I wouldn’t even be friends with them. I didn’t like entertaining that thought too much so I moved aside and invited Colton in to my personal space.

Apart from Georgie and TJ, and Miss Allen, I never invited people into the dark room. I was far too critical of my own work to let other people come in and judge it too, but there was something about Colton that made me feel like I could trust him.

“What did you want to talk about?” I ask as I motion towards the seat where Colton could sit. He leaned back in the seat and came close to knocking over the developer solution. I leap for the bottle and move it to a safe zone away from Colton. “Sit still and don’t touch anything.”

“Yes, boss,” Colton laughs as he moves to sit on his hands. “You’re a fiery little thing underneath that quiet exterior. I never realized that before, which is half the reason I’m here. I want to get to know you better.”

I stop what I’m doing and freeze. Immediately I can feel my heart beating fast and faster and my breathing intensifies as I lose all sense of control. I can vaguely hear Colton’s voice in the room, but he sounds too far away that none of his words register with me. I felt his hand on my arm and I pulled away, crouching down in the corner while begging him to give me a moment.

“I’ll call TJ,” Colton says in a panicked voice, making me instantly jump up from the floor. I step in front of him and hold out my hands to block his exit. “Jesus, Cate, you’re shaking like a leaf.”

“I’m fine,” I mumble, trying to make my words stronger than how I felt. I look up at him imploringly. “Please don’t tell TJ about this. He’ll treat me differently and I can’t let him do that… He’ll think I’m some sort of freak or something.”

“He would never think that of you, Cate,” Colton promises me in a soft voice. “I guess we could keep it our dirty secret.”

“I’m not ashamed of it,” I sigh, before shrugging and sitting in the vacated stool. “I’m just not comfortable with people treating me different because of it. People always look at me like I’m some fragile little doll on the verge of breaking down, and I’m not like that. At least,” I smile, “not all the time.”

Colton laughs and comes to lean against the work bench opposite me, making sure not to tip anything over this time. He looks at me carefully under the dim red hue and gives me a small lopsided grin.

“What triggers your panic attacks?” He eventually asks the question that has probably been on his mind since I had my freak out. “Is it something specific?”

I shrug. “Sometimes,” I answer. Should I tell him what caused today’s panic attack? He’d probably laugh and call me stupid. “Most of the time it’s something people say, or do. Or the way I interpret what they say and do. It’s complicated.”