And in your eyes I saw...

The aftermath

The next few days were spend mostly alone in my room in Harrenhal, with the maester and Petyr checking on me very often. He had made sure that under no circumstances I was left alone, so he doubled the guards that kept watch over me. Despite him showing, as best as he could, that he cared about me, my feelings for him had totally gone away. It had made me very sad but it was beyond my control. The whole abduction and near rape situation had thrown me off so much that I had lost sense of nearly every emotion. I had been filled with sadness and anxiety and I knew it was vital that I continued my journey as fast as I could. The time spend on my own helped me give some things a proper place in my head and helped me process it all. It had helped me narrow down what way I wanted to go once I was able to get away from here.

I decided that going up as far as Seagard was far enough up north to rebuild my life and leave these horrid weeks behind me. From what I had heard and had researched myself Seagard was a pretty and safe place. It wasn't surrounded by hostile villages and not close enough to any borders to for a threath or aim for captivity. It seemed perfect for me to just blend in and live my life in invisibilty. In my head it seemed like the perfect plan and right there in the moment it was perfect, until that moment was ruined by a sharp knock on the door. I sigh and slowly get up, wearing just a simple and easy to wear dress. " Give me just a moment, I will open the door in a second" I said while trying to fix the dress a little bit just to make it seem more decent. When I got to the door I listened to what I could hear but all I heard was some breathing and some impatient tapping of a foot. Opening the door at random was something I didn't do anymore since the accident, it had made me weary and extra careful. " who is there? " making sure that the idea I had was matching with the voice I was going to hear. " Madyson, it's me. Please open the door, I want to discuss something with you." I immidiately recognised the voice I heard, it was Petyr's.

I opened the door and indeed, he was standing in front of me. I slightly nodded out of curtesy and bidded him in. Lately our conversations had been nice, we had often just sat down and talked small talk. He knew that I always asked who was at the door before opening, he had studied my every habit and knew how to respond to my every action by now. Unlike him, I hadn't been that observant about him but quite frankly I had no need to be since I was going to travel without him. At least, that was my original plan. Somewhere in my mind I had already figured out that he wasn't going to let me go so easily and would probably want to accompany me in one way or another. I sat myself down on the bed again and it didn't take long before Petyr did the same thing and sat down beside me. We let each other be for a couple of minutes, and to be quite honest it was starting to feel a little awkward because of the long silence so I was very glad when he finally said what he came to say.

"I know that you have been thinking about where to go next and when you are able to leave." To be honest, I was not surprised that he knew. Petyr had spies everywhere in the realm, and since this was his castle it was only a matter of time before he heard from either staff or guard. So therefore there was no point in asking about how he knew. " And what is it that you supposedly want to know?" I said while letting out a little sigh. He was taken quite back by how fast I was actually onto him and how I didn't just start talking about what I wanted and what my plan was. I saw him quickly get himself together and with that I saw something in him change. Something that was kind and caring changed to something more stern and cold again. " I know where you want to go, but going as far North as Seagard is not safe my Lady. You have more enemies there then you know of. If you would like to-" but I cut him of short. If he was going to be like that then I would be like that too. I knew what I wanted and I was going for it no matter what. "Please, my Lord, do not even bother trying to change my mind. In these few short months I've learned that I need to go for what I want cause others will not hesitate to go for what they want. I need to go up to Seagard, because the South is where I came from. There will be enemies everywhere for me, although I do not understand why, so the risk is high everywhere I go." 

As I let my gaze slowly go over him I realized that his hand had started to touch mine slightly, and for the first time since the accident I hadn't freaked out or ,quite frankly, even noticed it. It was a special feeling, something I had almost forgotten that I could even feel. It felt like...like comfort and, with no beter words to describe it, home. I felt safe and for the first time since the attack I felt that I could slightly let my guard down, and so let his hand rest on mine. I hesitated with what I wanted to say and how I wanted to act, but as I let a brief moment pass I realised that there was not much left to say. I had made my point clear, or that is what hoped I had done, and I knew that he was not gonna give in that easily. So we had to go and figure a way to meet in the middle. But not today, since this visit had already tired me very much. A lot of things cost me a great deal of energy nowadays, caused by only the Gods know what. The maester thought it was stress or from the shock or because I was amnemic, but I thought it was just a poor excuse to keep me in my room longer. The outdoors were sure to help me recover way more then staying indoors ever could, but I hadn't been able to convince the maester of that fact yet.

So I stood up, trying to gesture that I wanted Petyr to leave, but as I did he grabbed my hand and pulled my back onto the bed making my hair fall partially over my face. I looked straight into his eyes and a feeling came rushing over me. No matter how hard I tried I could not surpress it nor ignore it, and he saw it. I saw his motionless face turn into a smirk I was already all too familiar with. The gaze that I had layed onto him had not faded and he kept looking in my eyes as well, as if we were in a match to see who would let it drop first and the loser would have to do the winners bidding. Gosh were his eyes pretty, was all I could think in the moment. I forgot about the reason for this journey, the journey itself , the awful things I had been through, the attack and even how mad I actually was at Petyr for letting me down. For a moment I felt like the only persons on this earth were Petyr and I, and for a moment that was okay.

And then that moment went by and ended.

I backed away a bit and put my hair back into place when he gently put his hand on mine again. I knew he normally wasn't this kind nor gentle with his women so I smiled a little. While taking his hand I gently put it on my cheek and held it there with my own hand. I closed my eyes for a moment, enjoying the sweet innocence of the gesture. After that I took his hand again and placed it where I had taken it from and let go. I gave Petyr a sweet smile and stood up again. " If we could please discuss the details of my journey when I have rested, it seems this conversation has already taken up much of my energy". He nodded " Ofcourse my lady, we will talk when you are feeling like it" and stood up as well. He took my hand and kissed it, and as he started to walk away I responded " Thank you Petyr, I will let you know when I am" right before he closed the door.