Savior

13| Fire

"Because when you took me from school, he told me to take someone with me before he called you. He told me to take Aesha or Theo." 

Why would dad tell me that if he knew about Theo? 

"Maybe he didn't want Theo telling Seth anything," he shrugged, "Or maybe Theo isn't the one who was supposed to collect the money from your dad. Seth has a few people doing that for him. It varies," he explained. 

"Have you ever met him?" I asked. 

"Nope. My dad doesn't do any business with him after what happened to my mom. We try staying away. He's too dangerous. Too many people work under him." 

"Then why was my dad stupid enough to do that?" 

"He wasn't. Do you know anything about this?" 

I shook my head. 

"Then clearly, I should shut up." 

"You can't now," I glared. 

He sighed, "He didn't borrow money directly from Seth. He borrowed it from someone else and later found out the guy he borrowed it from actually owed Seth that money. So now, the debt became your father's." 

Whoa. What the fuck? 

"Is that even allowed?" 

He turned to me, "Everything is allowed when you gamble." 

I sighed and leaned my head back. 

This is a whole new part of the story that I've never even heard. 

✯¸.•'*¨'*•✿ ✿•*'¨*'•.¸✯

I lay there awake, staring out the window in his room. I glanced at the time on the clock. It's two in the morning. "Leo?" I whispered. 

"What?" he asked. 

"I can't sleep," I huffed, turning around to face him. 

"Then sleep." 

I rolled my eyes, "I can't. And it's not like you can either. Now you know what we have to do," I smiled. 

"I'm not getting you ice cream." 

I clicked my tongue in frustration and rolled him over so he faced me since we were lying back to back earlier. That took more force than it should have. "Not ice cream, dummy." 

"Don't call me that." 

"Just shut up and listen. It's a rule that when you're sharing a bed with someone, and it's past midnight and you're both still awake. Especially with a stranger or someone you don't know that well," I cleared my throat. 

"This is bullshit I can already tell," he said, propping his elbow up and holding his head up in his hand. 

"It's not," I chuckled, "You're supposed to share a secret." 

"No." 

"And! And, that secret stays between you two and you can only talk about it past midnight. It's a rule."

"Okay, you go first," he shrugged. 

I rolled my eyes and thought about something I haven't told anyone. I sighed. He told me about his mom, I can tell him about mine. "I haven't visited my mom's grave in over two years. And my dad still thinks I go." 

"Why haven't you visited?" 

I laughed awkwardly, not really wanting to admit it out loud. "Um- being there and talking to a stone that wasn't gonna talk back became um- too painful. I couldn't take it anymore." 

"What do you mean?" he questioned. 

"I mean, when I would go there, even though her death was natural nobody could have done anything, I would wish that it was me who died instead. I wasn't even home when it happened, I was at school. And I would wish that I died instead of her." 

He paused and processed that. "Then what happened?" 

"Then I told my dad how I felt. And he explained to me why I can't do that. There was nothing I could have done nor was there any reason for it to have been me instead. What happened, happened. He would tell me how I was so young," I chuckled, "And how my whole life was ahead of me." 

I hesitated, "And how I can't miss her and lose myself in that grief. But I would really wish I was dead. All the time." I let out a sigh, my chest feeling lighter. 

"Did you ever try anything?" 

I knew what he was asking. "Mm-mm," I shook my head. "I always thought that killing myself would only pass my grief onto other people. Onto the people who care about me. Which really, was only my dad and Aesha. But two people's happiness overpowers one person's sadness. That's just what I told myself." 

We fell into silence until I finally gathered the courage to look up at him. "Your turn," I mumbled. 

"Clair," he huffed. 

"Please? I just told you something I've never told anybody. If you don't do that, I'm actually gonna be very hurt." I wasn't lying. 

"Okay, okay um- let me think," he sighed, rubbing his eyes. "If I tell you more than one, will you tell me another one?" 

I bit back a smile and nodded, "Yeah, I promise." 

"Okay um- for the love of God," he mumbled, "I have and I always will uh- blame my dad for my mom's death." 

"Why your dad?" I questioned. 

"If he never made the mistake of getting into such a fucked up thing like gambling, she would be alive. And if he did, he should have paid his debts. I will never forgive him for that." 

"Do you want to forgive him?" 

He shook his head, "No. I bet you think I should though." 

"No," I disagreed, "I don't think you should. I think you should decide for yourself and do what you feel is right. I'm not one of those people who think holding a grudge is bad and you're letting it take over your life, that's bullshit," I rolled my eyes, "Hold a grudge if you want. That's okay." 

"Really?" 

I nodded. 

He sighed. 

"And the second thing?" 

He seemed a lot more reluctant to tell me this one. He looked at me and his eyes almost looked like they were glowing. Like they were on fire. 

I love his eyes.

I waited patiently for a long time and almost twenty minutes later, he breathed it out.

"I feel like I don't deserve to be loved. Ever."

.

.

.

.

.

Chapter thirteen

This was so sad to write but they're both opening up to each other I like writing that and making that bond between characters and giving them moments like this.

next chapter: Deserved