broken as i • a kylo ren story

ix (xxviii)

why was this all happening right now?

kylo wasnt the only one who was feeling it, you were too.

that entire time you were with luke for your lesson, your mind kept wondering over to kylo. luke tried not to mind it, but he eventually spoke up about it.

"y/n? are you listening? you need to stop th-"

"of course i am. continue on." you said as you fell out of your thoughts.

"okay. as i was saying, you need to-" suddenly, everything went silent and black.

then, you saw him. you saw kylo.

it was almost like this was exactly what your heart wanted, but it was also what it wished not to happen.

he was standing there in his bedroom, with a loose towel around his waist. you absorbed the image quickly, roaming up and down his glorious body. you missed this view, you missed kylo.

but was it really time to go back?

you were real close to calling it home, but it wasnt really home. it was more of a...a place you lived at?

the both of your eyes locked with each other, and you almost jumped back at the sight of his own.

they were more...miserable. they were more heartbroken and gloomy. they were filled with...darkness- and that terrified you.

the 2 of you didnt say anything, only staring at eachother. you realized that this was a force link, just like the one that you 2 shared a little while back.

wait, how long have you been on this island?

the image of kylo quickly disappeared before you could say anything, and you returned back to reality.

"y/n? y/n!" luke was shouting at you.

"how long have i been on this island for?" you asked.

"jeez...i dont know, maybe a month or something? probably more, i wouldnt really know because i dont keep track of the days like how i used to."

"you made that so sad for no rea- i mean, okay thanks."

"why do you ask?" luke questioned.

"the question just popped up in my head, so i asked you. also, which lesson is this?"

"what do you mean?"

"like, which lesson number is this."

"oh, i think 20- something?" he answered and you almost gasped.

of course you knew that you were in the double digits, but 20? that was a lot of lectures and practicing. but, you could tell that they were really working. you almsor felt as if your time with luke was coming to an end, but you werent too sure about it.

"okay, thanks for telling me. i cant believe that it's that high!" you exclaimed.

"uh, it seems as if you are extremely distracted today, so im just going to stop the lesson and we can continue on tomorrow." he said to you.

usually you would protest against the idea of luke stopping, but today you just...didnt. you knew you were distracted as well, and you also knew that wasting both of your times wasn't going to benefit anyone.

"that sounds reasonable. i will see you later." you said as you walked off.

luke was also shocked that you just left him. most of the time, you were begging for him to continue on- but...not today. luke knew that something happened to you when he was speaking. he could see it in your eyes- he knew you went through a force link. he wasnt new to then at all, but he wasnt super familiar with them either.

but who were you connecting with?

luke knew the answer, and it was almost like he didnt have the guts to come to terms with it.

why was a girl like you intertwined with a person like kylo? more importantly, how? how was this eve-

"stop thinking about him." luke said to himself as he walked back over to his hut. he opened up his nightstand drawer and pulled out the gold dice charm.

"i hope this girl is our key to bringing him home. i actually more than hope, i know. i know she will be the one to do it. but i can sense it within her as well, the darkest. i can also sense that it seems to be decreasing in a way, and if they are connected- is the opposite occuring to him?" luke spoke to the charm as he held onto it tightly.

he put it down and walked out of his room and stared at the view from outside of his door. "i dont hope, i know." he repeated to himself quietly.

on kylos end, seeing you through a force link really topped the day off for him. his past self was correct as usual, him simply seeing you through a link made him completely melt. but, imagine him in real life...

he looked at your surroundings for a little bit, and noticed that it looked awfully familar to him. it wasnt a place that he had been too, but it was almost like an instinctive feeling that he had seen this place previously.

before he could go deep into thought about the subject, his eyes met with yours and he was thrown aback.

they were more...lively. they were more energetic and vibrant. they were filled with...light- and that terrified kylo.

you had really changed since he had last seen you, and he couldnt tell if was happy about it. but what he could tell was that he was glad that you were safe and well...still alive.

he didnt want to be so negative, but the galaxy was an interestingly scary place...so he didnt want to jump straight into happy thoughts- because that just wasnt how it worked for him.

on one hand, you seemed happier than ever before and he was satisfied with it. but on the other hand, you were almost...too happy.

kylo got ready for bed and slipped into the covers. he almost chuckled at the thought of how it appeared that your pain seemed to transfer over to himself.

you though, definitely werent laughing before heading to bed. you felt anger. anger at yourself. you could see how much more melancholy kylo was and it hurt you knowing that you were the cause.

no, it infuriated you. it infuriated you so damn much.

you eventually fell asleep, deep inside your horrible thoughts- praying to at least get a good dream so that you could fantasize about it when you awoke into the nightmare-filled reality that was called your life.

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authors note

idk about yall, but kylos body got me on the floor cooking and cleaning lmaOOOO. but my writing groove had definitely returned, and things are going to start going downnnn frfr.

-i.t