Paranoia of the Starved |Kankuro|

Chapter 1

Everything came gushing back to me.

Hard fought battles.

Blood and gore filled wars.

Leaping from tree to tree.

Branded, shiny metal headbands.

I caught my breath, my eyes now fixated on the boy. No, he was no boy. He was Gaara.

Gaara of the Sand. Responsible for an estimated hundred, or even hundreds, of deaths. It was true, that in the end, he would become an amazing person, but now was not that time.

I gulped my nerves down and forced a grin. "It's nice to meet you, my name is Himoko. I hope I can be your friend," I said nimbly.

Gaara became as still as the desert itself, a flurry of emotions filling his expression. "R-really..?" He fumbled, a small smile on his face as he stared in bafflement, like I was playing a joke on him.

"Really."

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.

.

"Himoko! Get ready! A family is going to be coming in soon!" I heard Reena-san call as she poked her head into the doorway. I groaned as I sat up. I knew no one would want me. That was just the truth.

Why me when there were so many better choices to choose from? I drug myself out of bed, got dressed, quickly raked a brush through my messy, ash blonde hair and put it into a loose ponytail. Good enough. I brushed my teeth and made my way out into the living room where kids happily ran and played around. I just stood there, waiting for it to all be over. I would push people away before, and I pushed people away now. Nothing's changed.

So I waited. A few times Reena-san elbowed my side, gesturing me to smile, to seem more appealing, but it wouldn't have made a difference. I knew I wasn't smiling properly, it just felt weird, awkward, and I resented it. I decided to leave the frown on my face, it felt more natural.

I didn't even receive a glance in my direction. I knew it was my fault, but it still hurt.

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.

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It was regular that I snuck out of the orphanage to visit my new friend. We agreed on meeting each other at the library where it was quiet, and the librarian was too fearful to tell Gaara that wasn't allowed in. During those times we spent in the library we would read together. Reading, to me, was calming. Today was one of those days.

"What are you reading?" He asked.

I perked up as he questioned me. "Well, right now I'm learning about plants!" I explained. Why does he want to know? Does he know how afraid I am right now? How fast my heart is pounding in my chest?

"Ok.." He said quietly, returning to his own book about rocks. Why isn't he saying anything? Did I do something wrong?

.

.

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There were days that I thought Gaara and I slipped further and further away from each other. I was afraid, I didn't want to die.

I knew that in this life I would die quickly, but I didn't want to die yet. So, I kept my distance. I kept Gaara at an arms length away from me. I wondered if that was the right thing to do.

It was an average night. Crisp air, wisps of sand wafting through the wind as they were flown far away from this village, Suna.

"Hey," I said as I strolled up to Gaara, my footsteps nearly undetectable. I must've startled him as he jumped up in his swing. His sand rapidly lurched out to grasp me without warning. I shuddered as I felt the course grains chafe across my skin, coiling around my body. But as quickly as it came, the sand collapsed to its rightful place on the ground.

"Hey..." Gaara replied nonchalantly, as if he hadn't tried to attack me just then. I could barely make out his despondent tone, cold and quiet. I was still frozen in panic momentarily. I brushed off my near death experience, all for being a little too quiet, and took a seat on the swing next to Gaara.

"I know that you don't want to be around me. So, why...?" Gaara sighed, pushing his hands into his face. I hesitated, recalling the many lives that were thieved, by his sand. What was his name again? Rock Lee, that was it. His legs crushed, by his sand. Endless unidentifiable corpses, by his sand.

I gulped, inhaling sharply. "Because... I want to be your friend."

Gaara paused, seemingly unsure of what to say as he didn't mutter a word.

"I-"

"I know you're afraid."

"I am."

"You can go if you want. I know there are other people to be around other than me."

Gaara's offer weighed heavy in my mind. I swallowed down the lump in my throat. I don't want to be alone. "Not right now. I need a friend too."

And that was it. That was all we said to each other that night, and it was all we needed to say. Because I wasn't alone, so this life wasn't awful. I huffed, gazing up into the clear, desert sky.

You could never see the moon so clearly in New York before. 

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